


in all lands love is now mingled with grief

by AwwKeyboardNo



Series: Tarsus IV interconnecting stories [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: (it's not one of the nine), (sorry), ...there's probably something like it somewhere, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Families of Choice, Gen, I mean there isn't much detail on the tarsus nine in tos so i took liberties, James T. Kirk Needs a Hug, James T. Kirk is Not an Idiot, Kodos is Not a Good Person, Made Up Illness, Non-Graphic Violence, Original Characters - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Probably not an accurate portrayal of a juvie court trial, Starvation, Tarsus IV, Young James T. Kirk, as non-graphic as you can get considering this is about a massacre, death of a minor, i mean mostly, non-graphic description of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwwKeyboardNo/pseuds/AwwKeyboardNo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One way or another, Jim Kirk still ends up on Tarsus IV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been in the works for a long time. I'm just glad I actually finished it.  
> Beta-read by my mom and dad. Thanks to them!  
> Title comes from a quote from the Fellowship of the Ring.

Jim didn’t look at the man. There was something unsettling about the clean-cut uniform and the shiny Starfleet logo on his chest. Instead, he picked at a loose thread on the--equally unsettlingly clean--bedspread in false nonchalance. Jim wasn’t going to be the first one to speak. 

Finally, the man cleared his throat. He still looked much calmer than the boy felt. The hand Jim had been holding since the moment the man had walked into the room tightened briefly, an assurance that he wasn’t alone in facing this.

“You’ve said no to Starfleet twelve times,” the man said, breaking the palpable silence in the room. Jim looked up and over the man’s shoulder, smirking to hide how he was shaking. 

“Thirteen, actually.” Jim forced a shrug. “One of those guys of yours asked twice.”

“Why agree now?” 

Jim finally looked at the man. There were a hundred answers he could give, but he had a feeling that the man’s question was rhetorical. So he answered the question with a question. “The person who gave you the orders to come down here, he tell you my condition on doing this?”

The man nodded, his eyes full of sympathy. Jim was so tired of sympathy. He went back to picking on the loose thread. 

“Is it okay to record this conversation?” the man asked.

“Sure, do what you gotta.” This was really about to happen. Jim sucked in a breath that tasted like antiseptic and he choked on it briefly. After he’d managed to get his sudden coughing under control, he nodded at the man. “Let’s just get this over with.”

The man settled at the table next to the bed and riffled through the bag he’d brought with him. There was a soft clicking noise as he set down his PADD and had it start recording. The man nodded to Jim to begin. 

“It started,” Jim began. “With the car.”


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jimmy is driven to a reckless action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very minor suicidal ideation. In the novelization of the 2009 movie, Jim did indeed think about driving off that cliff, so. Fair warning.

The car was the last straw for Jimmy.

Sam had been gone for over a week, which meant that the full force of their stepfather now fell onto Jimmy. He wasn’t used to such attention, and he didn’t like it at all. Up until his brother had left, the older boy had protected him from the worst of it, acting out to draw Frank’s attention away from Jimmy. He’d taken the brunt of the verbal lashings and the _non verbal_ lashings with a stiff upper lip and hate in his eyes. 

As a result, Frank had all but ignored his younger stepson unless he wanted a chore done--and as the man was the laziest person Jimmy had ever known, the boy ended up doing a lot of chores. He...he didn’t mind them, not really. He did them without question-- _wash the windows, scrub the floor, tend the crops,_ and so on--and Jimmy kept his mouth shut all the while. For the first couple years he’d done them with hope that they would be rewarded.

_If the house is clean, maybe mom will come home more often._  

_If I do all my school work, maybe one of them will be proud of me._

_If I don’t talk back maybe Frank will stop using his fists to teach lessons._

If, if, if.

But after a while, the blind optimism of his early childhood had faded into a weary acceptance. Frank would always be the way he was, mom would never be able to stand looking at Jimmy’s face, and Sam would--

Well, Sam apparently took after his mother more than Jimmy had realized.

With his brother gone, along with the buffer that stopped Frank’s anger, he’d also taken away any reason for Jimmy to stay compliant. All he needed was an excuse, one step too far, and then Jimmy too would get as far away from Frank as possible--by any _means_ possible.

Thus, the car.

Jimmy loved the car. He knew it was his dad’s--his _real_ dad’s, and as such, whenever he was given orders to take care of it, he did them gladly. It was a beautiful old thing, four centuries old if the stories were to be believed--though Jimmy wasn’t sure they were true. It didn’t matter, he would gladly wash the car a thousand times over, as long as it stayed where it belonged. At home.

It was one such time that, as he cleared a pristine car window of any missed smudges, Jimmy heard Frank’s brash voice from inside the house. He was on the phone.

“--I’m tellin’ ya, I _won’t_ take less than 100,000 credits!”

Jimmy dropped the sponge back into its bucket in favor of listening to the one side of the conversation. Lately, the man had been on a kick of selling stuff. Anything that reminded the man of the fact that Winona Kirk had once had a husband who was not _him_ was fair game. Despite that, he’d been having trouble getting rid of anything. The man did not make a very convincing salesman. 

Frank made a sound like the snarl of a dog. “ _It is_ worth that, _more_ even. Listen to me, that damned thing is something ‘round _four hundred years old_.” Despite the overheated beat of the sun on the back of his neck, Jimmy suddenly felt icy cold.

Frank was going to sell the car, Jimmy’s dad’s car.

Jimmy had very faint memories of his mother cuddling down with him at bedtime to tell stories about George Kirk’s odd obsession with fixing up old cars. He’d held on tightly to those stories--for all the times when his mother hadn’t been there to say anything, much less tell bedtime stories. It’d been one of the few things that Winona had bonded with him over.

And Frank was going to take that away.

He was going to take that away, and Jimmy would have nothing left. Mom--gone eleven months out of the year, usually. Sam--who had finally cracked under Frank’s enormous pressure and bolted. And Jimmy’s dad, gone before Jimmy had barely opened his eyes to the universe.

In the back of his mind there was a distinct snapping sound--the camel’s back breaking under the pressure of too much straw.

Over the sudden roaring in his ears, Jimmy heard Frank’s voice again. “Hey dumbass, what’re you standing around for? I ain’t paying ya to stand next to the damned thing.” There was a sound like a laugh. “And hurry up with the waxing--you need to clean out the rain gutter.”

Jimmy heard his own voice speak, bland as anything. “Yes sir.”

“Was that sarcasm, you little prick? You only need one arm to wax a car.”

There was a distant frisson of real fear, and Jimmy had never hated anyone like he hated Frank. “No sir.” He watched Frank go back into the house.

Jimmy was done.

The next little while was little more than a blur to the boy--inasmuch as it can be to a kid with near perfect recall skills.

He remembered his grim satisfaction at finding the keys in the ignition, remembered climbing into the driver’s seat and starting the car, and he remembered the rush of elation--of going _so fast_. By the time he came back to himself fully, he was speeding down the highway, the roof was gone, and Frank’s angry voice was squawking on the car phone.    

“-- _you get one scratch on that car and I’m going to whip your a--_ ”

Having had a lifetime’s fill of listening to Frank, Jimmy turned on the radio and screamed along with the song that came up.

His veins felt like they were on fire--but in a way that made him want to go faster and _faster and faster_. So he did, not stopping even as he caught the attention of a police officer. The wail of the siren at his back did nothing to deter him, even made him want to keep going--until the car died.

Or he did.

He passed by a teenager he recognized from Sam’s school, Johnny or something, and he called out to the boy, wanting to share the pure _ecstacy_ of this.

The policeman continued to chase him on the bike, and the bike was catching up. The man called out to him, and Jimmy couldn’t help but jeer in return. He sped up again, his eyes catching on something up ahead.

Jimmy made a sharp turn, off of the highway and onto a dirt road. Part of him knew where this road would lead--where it would lead him--but the rest of him only wanted _fasterfasterfaster_ and so he continued to drive.

He jolted as he slammed through a old wooden gate and kept going. The machine seemed much less easier to control than it had only moments ago. His heart was beating a tattoo against his throat, but Jimmy didn’t stop. Not yet.

Jimmy eyed the gorge as it came into view--eerily calm for the moment. And he wondered. It would be easy, so, so easy to just let the car run its course. He imagined the guilt that would make his mother come home, _finally come home_. She would kick Frank out of the house and Sam would come back and all Jimmy had to do was--

\--But, what would be the point of all of that, if Jimmy wasn’t around to see it happen? What would have been the point of his father’s sacrifice barely thirteen years ago, if he took that sacrifice and tossed it away?

With fear and adrenalin clawing it’s way up his throat, Jimmy slammed on the break.

However, the car didn’t stop. It barely slowed down in the slightest. As the machine glided sideways toward the edge of the cliff, Jimmy jumped. In the moment before he hit the ground, Jimmy had time to be absurdly grateful to himself for getting rid of the roof. But the slightly hysterical thought got lost in his head, because _Jimmy was sliding towards the edge._ He clawed at the ground and found just enough purchase to heave himself back up over the edge. He laid on the ground for a moment, heart like a jackhammer, and Jimmy allowed himself to revel in how very much _alive_ he was.

And then the police officer was climbing off his bike and asking for Jimmy’s name, and Jimmy regretted his choice only a little bit.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could go wrong on a colony planet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am utterly astounded at how well received this story has been on its debut. Thanks to all who commented, kudos-ed, subscribed, and bookmarked!
> 
> We see Tarsus for the first time next chapter!

“James Tiberius Kirk, please rise.”

Jimmy swallowed past the dryness of his throat and stood up. He looked the judge in the eye and didn’t know whether to be worried or defiant. He put his hands behind his back to hide how they were shaking. His fists closed on the bandages wrapped around his fingers and he let himself feel the sting of broken fingernails. 

“You’ve been charged with multiple cases of property destruction, reckless endangerment, as well as driving without a license,” the judge said. He plucked his glasses off his head to pinch the bridge of his nose, like he was trying to rid himself of a headache. 

Jimmy refrained from shrugging, though he dearly wanted to. He was aware of what he’d done, and he’d owned up to it--despite the objections of the defense lawyer they’d assigned him to. 

“You pled guilty. Would you like to tell me why?”

Jimmy looked over to the other side of the room, where Frank stood  _ glowering _ at him, as though  _ daring  _ him to tell the truth. 

Jimmy was not one to turn down dares. 

“To be honest Your Honor, I was about ready to do anything to get away from Frank. I’m too young to get emancipated. And he was going to sell my dad’s car, which technically belongs to my mother--I just took that option away from him.”

The judge’s eyes were sad and far too knowing. In this case, Jimmy couldn’t even get mad at him for feeling sorry for him. “There are other ways you could have gotten out of that house--”

“--you don’t actually  _ believe _ the little jerk, do you?” Frank snarled. 

The look in the judge’s eye was glacial, and Jimmy shivered despite the fact that the look wasn’t directed at him.  “I am more inclined to believe those who do not disrupt my court, Mr. Hogwood. I will thank you to not do it again, or I will have you removed and detained for contempt of court. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” Frank said through gritted teeth. 

“James, while I do agree that you needed to be removed from that house, perhaps for your own safety, the way you chose to act is inexcusable. I do not think you understand how serious what you did was. You put your life and the lives of other people at risk, had things turned out even slightly different, we might have been forced to try you as an adult for manslaughter.”

Jimmy’s ears burned and he bowed his head, ashamed.

“However,” the judge said, and Jimmy looked up again. “As this is your first offense, I am offering you a choice, to go along with the eighteen hours of community service you will owe. There is a juvenile detention center here in town--”

Something in the back of Jimmy’s head whispered,  _ not far enough _ . 

The judge continued to speak, “--or there is an opening at an alternative school on the colony planet of Tarsus IV.”

Jimmy’s head shot up in shock. To leave the planet, even to go to a place that was likely to be filled with people who would look down at him for being a “delinquent”--that would practically be a vacation. 

“It is your choice James.”

“If it’s alright with you Your Honor, I’d much rather go to Tarsus IV.”

The judge nodded firmly. “Twelve months at the Tarsus Alternative School for Troubled Youths and eighteen hours of community service, both of which will take place upon Tarsus IV.”

All at once he felt like a two-ton weight had been taken off of his shoulders and an odd foreboding settled deep in his stomach. He relished in the first feeling and ignored the second. He didn’t have anything to worry about, Jimmy was great at school--both academically and socially.

What could possibly go wrong on a colony planet?

\---

Eight hours later found Jimmy standing on the observation deck of a transport ship. He was in  _ space _ \--for the first time he could actually remember. He gazed out into the inky silk, taking in the light of far off stars and planets. That vacation-like feeling came upon him again, and he grinned.

“Is this your first time off soil?” someone asked from behind him. Jimmy turned.

The speaker was a woman, presumably human (though apparently Vulcans looked very similar, a fact that Jimmy had yet to confirm). Her face was carved with laugh-lines, but she still managed to look young--probably around Jimmy’s mother’s age.

Jimmy blinked. The woman was still patiently waiting for an answer from him. His face burned. “First time since I was a baby, ma’am.”

“Oh?” She tilted her head, interest focused on him. Jimmy swallowed roughly, unused to genuine interest.

“Uh, yeah...I was born in space.” Jimmy waited for her to make the connection with the Kelvin. Waited for her to call him the “Kelvin Baby” and smother him in sympathy or claim he was cursed (this, surprisingly, had happened on more than one occasion).

He saw when it clicked in her eyes and he braced himself. However the woman only smiled sadly, her face full of something that was not quite sympathy, and was thus palatable. “It must feel good to return to your roots then.” Her eyes twinkled.

He grinned in relief. “I’m Jimmy,” he said, holding out a hand. The woman shook his hand with a bright look in her eyes.

“I’m Barbara Leighton.” She looked around for a moment. “My husband and son are around here somewhere as well. My boy’s about your age, if you’d like to meet him?”

Jimmy shrugged. “Sure, it’d be cool to hang out with another kid.”

Jimmy had noticed, when he’d boarded the shuttle to the transport ship, that there were little to no kids on this flight. He and the Leighton kid might have the run of the place. 

The Leighton kid, Tommy, reminded Jimmy of Sam. Sam, when he’d not been around Frank, had laughed a lot and liked to play pranks. He was a bright, smart, and cheerful person, and that was how Jimmy found Tommy to be as well. 

They got on like a house on fire.

Tommy talked Jimmy into helping him pull pranks on the other passengers (not that he’d needed much encouragement). When one of the guests had the misfortune of leaving their quarter’s door open, the two had snuck in and moved all the furniture in the room twelve centimeters to the right. They’d relished in the confused expression on the person’s face when they’d come to dinner that night. 

Another time, Jimmy had shown Tommy how to hack into all the guests personal recreation radios (a technique he’d learned on the sly from Sam--who’d learnt it from who even knew, after Frank had decided to ban music in the house, the jerk). He’d reprogrammed them to play classical songs, like the Beatles, or, Jimmy’s personal favorite, the Beastie Boys. 

It was great fun, though Jimmy knew that if they were caught, there would likely be more stipulations added to his sentence. He hadn’t told Tommy his reason for going to Tarsus IV yet--though Tommy had informed him that the Leightons were moving to the colony. If he  _ had  _ told him, it was likely that the other boy would have toned down on the pranks or stopped them completely. 

They were lucky to not be caught, with how they played with the rules like children; though at some ventures, even Jimmy had to draw the line.

“I don’t think tampering with the food is a good idea Tom,” Jimmy told his friend. 

Tommy shrugged and scoffed a little. “It’s just a little thing that’ll make ‘em all burp a lot.”

Jimmy couldn’t clamp down on his unease. “That sounds like it’d be fun, but...Some of these people could be allergic, me included.”

Tommy clearly had not thought about that, if the look of blank shock was anything to go by. His face shuttered closed in shame after a moment. “Yeah Jim, you’re right. Sorry man.”

Jimmy grinned. “No need. Having allergies gets in the way of fun all the time--’specially when you have like, six billion the way I do. We’ll think of something else to do.”

They left the dining area together and went to sit on the floor by the observation window. 

“You have a lot of allergies?” Tommy asked him after a moment. 

Jimmy nodded, and traced a constellation he recognized with his finger. “Yeah, I was three months premature, so there were lots of health complications and stuff--plus, I was, uh, kinda born in space, which can apparently screw people up real bad.” He didn’t look at his friend. 

They sat in silence for a long moment.

“...Jim, what’s your last name?” Tommy asked finally, his voice high with guilty curiosity. Jimmy couldn’t really begrudge him that, and so didn’t take offense. 

“Yeah, it’s Kirk. Yeah, I am the Kelvin Baby, or whatever stupid term it is now. Yeah, all the stuff you’ve heard is probably true...”

“...I’m sorry about your dad Jim.”

Jimmy stared at his friend. 

In thirteen years, no one had ever actually said those words to Jimmy. Surprising really, considering how people liked to heap on the sympathy. It was always,  _ you must be really proud to have had such a brave father _ , and  _ you have your father’s eyes, so beautiful _ , and _ you have a great legacy to live up to, young man _ , and even, one or two times to his mother,  _ I’m so sorry about George, Winona _ . The last would generally lead to Winona shuffling the two of them away as fast as she could without being completely rude. 

“Thanks Tom,” he said quietly. Tommy patted his shoulder. Jimmy’s skin burned through the contact, even through the cloth of his shirt. It was a good burn. 

They sat in comfortable silence for ten minutes. Then Jimmy broke it with a grin at Tommy. “My brother taught me how to play poker, I could teach you and then we could clean out the other passengers--that’s kind of a prank of it’s own isn’t it?”

Tommy’s smile was like warm daylight. “Jimmy Kirk, you’re a damn genius.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see any typos or grammar mistakes, please feel free to tell me! I'll post chapter three on Thursday.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jimmy makes another friend and gets accustomed to his new life.

Jimmy knew that  _ alternative  _ was just a nicer word for  _ reformatory _ when it came to schools. 

That being said, the “Alternative School for Troubled Youths” was actually a nice change of pace. Whereas his old school had been so unchallenging, he’d been doing high school work on the sly since sixth grade, Tarsus IV’s school seemed to take pleasure in making the work as difficult as possible. Not in a  _ bad  _ way, though. A good portion of the kids in Jimmy’s class were, though rough around the edges, just as smart or smarter than him. 

The challenge was probably helped along by the fact that there was more than a couple Vulcans on staff. 

He’d seen his first one barely minutes after he’d stepped off the shuttle. After he’d said his goodbyes to the Leightons--promising to find Tommy later--he’d been shuffled off towards an imposing looking building that took up what he was sure was half the town. Standing at the front of the building was a stern looking woman. Her hair was pulled into a tight knot on the back of her head, exposing her pointed ears. She reminded him of the descriptions of Elves in the Tolkien books his brother had read to him--etherally beautiful, tall and willowy. 

She looked at Jimmy, her eyes clearly scrutinizing him. “Welcome, Mr. Kirk. I am Professor V’lurrun and I am in charge of this school.”

“Thank you Professor,” Jimmy said, managing to make eye contact. He wasn’t even going to try to say the lady’s name until he’d had some time to wrap his tongue around the foreign name.

“Thanks are illogical,” she said snippily. 

The Professor went on to give him a short lecture about rule breaking, all the while staring at him coolly, as if he might interrupt. After she had finished informing him of how he might screw up, and the consequences of said screw ups, she called forth one of the guards stationed at the front entrance. 

“Officer Pegg will show you to the dormitories. Classes begin at 0800 sharp, do not be late.”

She swept away, leaving Jimmy alone with the officer. The man was human, and didn’t pull off stern nearly as well as V’lurrun had had. Nonetheless, Jimmy hitched his bag more solidly on his shoulder and followed the silent man into the courtyard without question. 

The courtyard was covered in bright green grass, meticulously trimmed--by the students themselves, he’d later learn. He inhaled the cut grass smell, sharpened by the soft heat of the sun. There were kids of various species sitting under the shade of a few unfamiliar trees that were dotted around the place, books spread out around them. All in all, it reminded Jimmy less of a delinquent school and more of a college campus. 

The dorms weren’t far from the main building, which Jimmy knew he would undoubtedly appreciate in the future. Officer Pegg led him towards the first building, a two story apartment-like complex. It was made from a mix of red brick and concrete, but it still somehow managed to look homey. But looks, Jimmy knew, could be deceiving, he’d save judgement until he had a better feel of the place. 

The officer tossed a key to Jimmy, and he caught it. “You’re in 205. Mess opens at 0530. First come first serve.” He turned and walked away, leaving Jimmy to stare at his retreating back in blank puzzlement. 

He’d been under the--apparently false--impression that the guards were there to, well,  _ guard _ . 

After a moment, he shook off his confusion and went inside the building. Upstairs, Jimmy hitched his bag again and walked until he came to his door. Thinking it better to err on the side of caution, he knocked (he still remembered with frightening clarity the single time he’d forgotten to knock on Sam’s door. He hadn’t been able to look Sam’s girlfriend in the eyes any other time that she’d come over). 

“C’mon in,” a voice called. “It’s not locked.”

Jimmy pocketed his key and pushed the door open. There was a boy lounging on one of the two beds, but he got up when Jimmy entered the room. The boy held out a hand, an easy-going grin on his face. 

“I’m Emmett,” he said, as Jimmy shook his hand. “And you’re James, they told me you were coming today.”

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah, Jim. I’m here twelve months. ‘S what the judge said.”

Emmett whistled low. “Dude, I only got eight. And I stole a hovercar.”

Jimmy was surprised to feel a small amount of kinship with the boy. “I can do you one better,” he said, somehow conjuring up a real smirk. “I drove an antique off a cliff.”

Emmett’s eyes went as wide as saucers. “Holy shit,” he swore in admiration. “You’re crazy.” He seemed delighted by the concept. He sat down on Jimmy’s bed and began to help him unpack his stuff. 

And just like that, Jimmy had made another friend. 

Emmett was as smart as Jimmy, although he was slightly older, and so they shared the majority of their classes together. This made studying together easy. He was funny as hell, but also kind. It didn’t take long for Jimmy to feel like they’d known each other for years, rather than the small amount it actually was. 

Their homeroom teacher was a genial middle-aged man who also taught their literature class. Jimmy would have been predisposed to like him on this alone (because he generally prefered books to real life), but his like was augmented by what happened on Jimmy’s first day of class. 

“So I see there are a few new faces today,” the teacher began cheerfully. “Well, I won’t force you to introduce yourself, but I’m Wade Jackson. Please, call me Wade or I will feel much older than I am and I might cry.” His eyes twinkled. “You don’t want to see an old man cry, do you?”

Jimmy felt himself grin. 

Although finding a favorite teacher put Jimmy in good spirits, they were quickly offset by his introduction to the science teacher. Science was the only class that he didn’t share with Emmett, but he didn’t feel really nervous about that fact until he’d sat down. 

Now, in general, Jimmy liked science. He liked the physical aspects of it, where he could create something out of something else and feel proud of that. He’d gone into the class believing that he would enjoy himself immensely. 

He did not.

The Vulcan man who taught science was named Doctor Kastrik. He did not smile. He did not joke. And, indeed, he did not seem to want to be there at all. Jimmy got the feeling he might’ve been bullied into the job by the principal.

“There will be no talking, unless it is to do with an assignment. If you fail to pay attention, you will likely fail this class. I do not care either way whether you pass or fail, as I will be paid regardless.”

Well, Jimmy thought incredulously as the man began passing out PADDs, at least he’s honest. 

It took Jimmy a week to be able to leave campus and meet up with Tommy. His coming late in the first half of the year meant an influx of catch-up work. It didn’t take him long to adjust, and then he was able to go into town. 

The students were allowed to roam the town unobserved, which again struck Jimmy as strange, but he appreciated it. 

Tommy went to school on the other side of the town, and his house was nearby that, so Jimmy had a little bit of a walk, but he didn’t mind it so much. It gave him a chance to look at the little shops along the way. He decided that at some point he’d have to come back through with his stash of credits (somewhat unwillingly provided by the passengers of the ship that he’d played poker with) and buy some things for his room. It would probably end up being mostly food; a universal constant, it seemed, was the bland taste of school food.

Tommy’s house was a small and cozy thing that reminded Jimmy of the pictures he’d seen of twentieth century houses. It was a softer red brick than Jimmy’s dorm, with clean even lines. The sides of the house were framed by patches of flowers. There was even an old fashioned doorbell that rang like a bell when he pressed it. 

“Just a moment,” he heard Barbara say, and then, more quietly, “Tom, would you go get the door? I need to watch the food.”

The door swung open, revealing Tommy’s surprised--and, Jimmy was unhappy to note, wary face. “Jim.”

Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck, feeling sheepish. “Sorry it took me so long to get ‘round here. School’s heaping on the work.”

Tommy still looked cautious, but he opened the door fully and stepped aside to let Jimmy in. “I haven’t seen you at my school, are you going to the one near the governor's house?”

Jimmy didn’t look at his friend. In lieu of talking, he toed out of his shoes and put them next to the ones by the door. He looked ahead, out of the hall and towards the kitchen. A fantastic smell was emanating from there and his stomach was very interested in it, if the growling noise was anything to go by. He silently told it to shut up. 

Finally, he shoved his fists into his pockets to hide how they were beginning to shake and looked at Tommy. “No. I’m not going to either of those ones. I’m, uh, going to the school by the docking bays. The one for  _ Troubled Youths  _ or whatever.”

Tommy’s brows scrunched together. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” He looked a bit hurt actually. “Did you think I wasn’t going to like you anymore because your record isn’t squeaky clean or something?”

Jimmy shrugged, looking down. “I dunno, I was kind of embarrassed. People in my town either ignore or make a fuss about people who do bad stuff. They don’t appreciate bad people.”

Tommy waved a hand. “You’re not a bad person Jim.” He gestured for Jimmy to follow him. He called out to his mother as he passed. “Jim’s here to visit, we’ll be in my room.”

“Keep the door open.”

“Sure, sure.”

Tommy led Jimmy into his room and plopped down on the bed. Jimmy sat in the desk chair by the window and swung it to face the other boy.  Tommy regarded him with an openly curious look. “So can I ask what you did, or is that insensitive or something?”

Jimmy didn’t speak for a moment. It was different; telling Emmett had been one thing, he was a fellow “delinquent”, and Jimmy hadn’t thought the boy would judge him. And while he was sure that neither would Tommy, there was always a chance. The thought of losing the other boy’s friendship struck like a physical pain in his chest. But if Jimmy were to lie, the chances of losing his trust were even larger. He sighed. He wasn’t going to lie to Tommy. 

“Okay,” he said finally. “I’ll tell you if you don’t freak out on me.”

Tommy laughed. “Sure Jim, I promise.” He made light of it, but Jim could tell that he was being honest. 

“I drove a car off a cliff to keep it from my stepdad.”

Tommy seemed to choke a little, but he didn’t speak for a moment. He sucked in a breath, as though to preemptively calm himself. “Okay,” he said after a moment. He sighed. “Still not a bad person Jim.”

Jimmy breathed out a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Cool, that’s good.”

“But if you do that again, and you die, I’m going to bring you back to life so I can kill you myself. You’re not allowed to die Jim.” His eyes were serious, even as he smiled. 

Jimmy grinned. “Okay Tom, I promise not to die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Jimmy, you shouldn't make promises like that.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim becomes a gofer (not a gopher).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like the first half of this chapter, but...*shrugs*

On Jimmy’s second week of school he met another Vulcan. 

The School for Troubled Youths had a community outreach program that was designed to help the students with their community service. Various locals from the community, those who needed the extra hands, would offer to take on students. They got the extra help and the students used up their community service hours. Give and take. 

When Jimmy had walked into homeroom at the beginning of the week, he noticed the group of adults hanging out in the front of the room. He went and sat down beside Emmett, leaning over to whisper at him. “What’s with all the adults?”

“They’ve come to get their gofers,” Emmett said. 

“Their  _ whats _ ?”

“Gofer? It’s a prewarp term. Think of it as, like, lower than an intern. They’ve come to put us to work.” Emmett shrugged and fell silent as the adults all turned to face them. 

Wade smiled brightly at all of them. “Professor V’lurrun will address you today, incase there are those of you who are confused as to what’s going on.”

The school head stepped forward out of the group of adults. She spoke calmly, but loud enough for the entire room to hear her properly. “As reparation for the crime or crimes you have committed, the working community of Tarsus IV will be putting you to work--”

“--told you,” Emmett muttered to Jimmy under his breath. Jimmy bit back a grin.

“--so that you may not only gain some ethic towards work, but also change your ways.” Her sharp gaze seemed to land on Jimmy for half of a second. He shivered.

“On your desks is a list of the jobs available to you, in five minutes time, the representatives of those jobs will come up one at a time and you will volunteer your services to them.”

Then she stepped back, standing rimrod straight and staring at them, as if to say  _ well, are you waiting for an engraved invitation? _

Jimmy looked down at the PADD.

 

_ Storeclerk: You will maintain the cleanliness of the establishment, bag items as needed, and do other certain tasks that the store owner asks of you. There are currently twelve jobs available. _ __  
__  
_ Farmhand: You will help your superiors to tend to the livestock, clean various areas as advised, and do other certain tasks that your superiors ask of you. There are currently sixteen jobs available. _ __  
_  
_ __ Busperson/Waitstaff: You will maintain the cleanliness of the establishment, take orders, and do other certain tasks that your superiors ask of you. There are currently eight jobs available.  

 

It went on this way for the rest of the list. It mostly all boiled down to the same thing, just different location. Well, he said mostly…Jimmy eyed the job at the bottom of the list,  _ Scientist Intern _ . Again, it said much of the same thing as the other jobs. But…

_ There is one job available _ . 

Jimmy wanted that job. He had spent much of his whole life doing all of the other things for Frank. They were easy to him, but he would feel unfulfilled. But that interning job--he itched for the chance to learn something he wouldn’t otherwise learn. Even if just by osmosis. 

He stared at that last line for a long moment and sighed. 

It was unlikely that he would get it. He’d be better off just going for the job at the farm. If he was lucky, maybe they would let him help with the crops. 

“Your five minutes are up,” V’lurrun said to the classroom at large. She gestured to the adults to begin. 

Jimmy watched as one by one, students began raising their hands, and the twelve representatives of the Tarsus IV shopping district got twelve students. He got ready to raise his arm as the farming representative stepped forward, but Emmett put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Don’t do it man,” he whispered. “That group is real uptight about how to do things around the crops--they’ll probably kill you and hide your body if you mess up.”

“Emmett Molson,” V’lurrun called loudly. “I believe you have just volunteered.”

Emmett swore under his breath and glared at the woman. She stared back, calm as anything, one upcurved eyebrow raised. 

He slumped in his chair. “Yes Professor.”

There were still jobs available when people stopped raising their hands, but V’lurrun didn’t comment on it.

The rest of the process went on uneventful, until they finally reached the final job. There were still four people--Jimmy included--who had not yet volunteered. The Professor did not seem angry at this. If anything, had the woman been human instead of Vulcan, he knew she would be smirking.

“A Vulcan will only take the best,” she said, as she gestured for the last adult to come forward. This woman too was a Vulcan. She did not look nearly as severe as the other, but still looked calmer than would be possible on a human. 

“My name is T’mesu,” the woman said, staring at each of the four of them in turn. Jimmy felt his back straightening involuntarily as her eyes fixed on him. “I will choose only one of you. The remainder of you will have to settle with one of the three jobs still available.”

The room was silent for a full minute--though, to Jimmy, it felt close to an hour. Then she spoke. “You.” 

She.

She was pointing at Jimmy.

He gulped. “Ma’am?”

“You will be at the laboratory located approximately 3.43 kilometers northwest of the governor's home at precisely 1700, is that clear?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

The girl who sat in front of him turned to glower at him. She’d been one of the others who had wanted the job that now belonged to Jimmy. 

As Jimmy watched the adults clear the room, he wondered dazedly what he’d gotten himself into. 

\-----

Interning in the lab was not nearly as exciting as Jimmy had hoped it would be. 

He spent the majority of the first two weeks running around getting coffee orders-- _ real  _ coffee, not the replicated kind, cleaning up anything not liable to kill him, and trying very, very hard not to stop and observe all the various experiments. 

Nonetheless, he found himself learning more by osmosis than he was learning in his actual science class. Most of the younger, junior scientists seemed more than happy to tell him bits and pieces of what they were working on, whenever he happened to be near enough to their stations. The majority of them, it seemed, were working on increasing crop production. Even the lead scientists were apparently spending most of their time testing different elements in the soil. 

He hadn’t seen hide nor hair of said lead scientists--one of whom had been the recruiter, T’mesu, since his first day. 

“The leads throw themselves into their projects,” one of junior scientists had said on the third day. “Even when they can delegate the smaller tasks, they like to make sure everyone works an equal amount.”

Jimmy thought that was a very fair way to go about things. He wondered why that was so rare to see in grown ups. 

The next time Jimmy saw T’mesu, she saw him first.

He was attempting to clean and look over the shoulder of one of his favorite of the scientists at the same time. He was patient with Jimmy, and didn’t try to talk down to him, despite being a good ten years older. And he readily admitted when he made a mistake, which Jimmy appreciated in an adult. 

Jimmy peered down at the man’s PADD, pausing in his wiping down of one of the lab counters. “Hey Nate, isn’t that supposed to be 2x?” He pointed at one of the equations. 

Nate looked closer at the equation, appeared to do some math in his head, and blinked in shock. “You’re right Jim. Thank you, I didn’t notice that.” He gave the boy a smile. 

There was a cough from behind them. Jimmy spun around. T’mesu stood there, hands behind her back as she stared the both of them down, one elegant brow raised.

Jimmy felt his face burn. “Sorry ma’am, I got distracted and--”

“--corrected a mistake that had the potential result of ruination,” she interrupted, a hard, bright look in her eyes. She stared at him for a moment longer, then turned away swiftly. “Come with me, Mr. Kirk.”

Shooting a confused look back at Nate, who looked equally confused, Jimmy followed after the Vulcan. 

“Have a seat,” she said, once they were in her office. Jimmy sat. T’mesu sat as well and steepled her fingers together. “You have four more days, one hour each, in which you will be required to commute here for community service.”

Jimmy’s heart fell. He kept his face carefully blank, not letting any of his disappointment bleed through. “That’s right…”

“And what are you planning to do once you are done?”

Jimmy repressed a shrug, feeling that she probably wouldn’t appreciate it. “I guess I might use the time to get more ahead on my schoolwork.”

“The schoolwork for which you are already a month in advance?” Her brow seemed to convey her amusement at his answer. 

Jimmy blushed, feeling irrationally caught and under scrutiny. “You talked to my teachers.”

She nodded. “I did. I believe I had to ask their permission to mentor you.”

“You wanna mentor  _ me _ ?” he asked her incredulously. 

“I believe I have just said that, yes.” She sat back with a look on her face that Jimmy would almost categorize as smug. He wisely kept the thought to himself. 

“Okay then,” Jimmy said, somewhat faint at the prospect. He was unbelievably confused, and it must have shown on his face because she spoke again. 

“You are wondering why I chose you this time, as well as the time before,” she said. “On that day I sensed potential for greatness in you, and I’ve watched you in my lab. You have--what is the human term?--an innate thirst for knowledge that I find admirable. That is why.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Thursday, Tarsus IV gets a new governor and food begins to run out. (dramatic music plays)


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things begin to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post the chapter yesterday, and I'm so sorry!
> 
> There is mentions of Jimmy having a crush on a boy in this chapter. If that bothers you, you should probably leave--or just ignore it. All calculations in this chapter are probably way off, but numbers don't like me. 
> 
> Thanks for the support!

“So what are you doing this weekend?”

Jimmy looked up from where he’d been doing his homework, laid belly-side on his bed, to grin at Emmett. “Why, you askin’ me on a date?” he asked, teasingly.

Emmett chuckled. “Nah, I know you gotta crush on that Tom kid.”

Jimmy’s face burned in outrage-- _ just _ outrage, he told himself. “I  _ do not _ .”

He didn’t. Really. 

There was a snicker from the other side of the room. “Okay, okay. My question still stands. I just need to know so I know whether to include you in my plans when my little cousin comes by.”

Jimmy abandoned his work in favor of sitting criss-cross so he could better look at his friend. “How long’re they staying?”

“She and my aunt are gonna stay about a month, I think.”

Jimmy beat down the sudden flare of unwanted jealousy. He wasn’t going to take the abandonment of his mother and brother out on his friend. He schooled his face back into a grin. “That’s pretty great. I can’t this weekend though. I’m starting my internship thing at the labs.”

Emmett scoffed. “I still can’t believe you finished your required time and went  _ straight back into it _ . I’ll say it again, you’re crazy, man.”

“I know,” Jimmy said smugly. “It’s why we’re such good friends.”

He laughed as a pillow smacked him in the head. He let its momentum push him back down onto his bed. After a moment he turned his head back towards the other boy. “Say hi to--”

“--Drea,” Emmett provided helpfully. 

“Say hi to Drea from me though.”

Jimmy didn’t know what to expect when he came into work that Saturday morning, but watering plants wasn’t it. It felt, to him, barely a step up from being a gofer.  _ Okay _ , so he hadn’t been allowed to touch the specialized plant nutrient water before, or even go  _ near  _ the plants, but  _ still _ . 

He bit back his complaints though. It wasn’t the way that he would have chosen to spend his first free Saturday in a while, but it was a sight better than  _ before  _ he’d driven that car off a cliff. Especially once T’mesu joined him in the project and began explaining it to him. 

“This colony has run successfully since the quarter end of the twenty-second century. The crops the original colonists brought here have been cultivated and engineered to adapt to the indigenous soil. However, there is a large room for improvement.” T’mesu gave him an intense, serious look. “About 23.3427% of this year’s crops are failing, with an increase of 0.352% per month expected. This is why we are currently focusing completely on the crops.”

Jimmy stopped watering his plant to gape open mouthed at her. “Oh my god, is the colony going to be okay?” There was a swoop of fear low in his stomach at the thought of running out of food. Despite Frank’s (many) other faults, Jimmy had never gone hungry before. Though that might have had less to do with Frank, and more to do with Sam.

“I do not believe it will get beyond control,” she told him, somewhat placatingly. “This is not the first time such an event has taken place on Tarsus IV, nor will it likely be the last. Each time, we have managed to stave off…” She seemed to search for the right word. “...tragedy.”

Her words didn’t completely sate the worries that had now dug deep into his mind, but they were enough for the while. He went back to watering his plant, just managing to miss the flash of worry on his new mentor’s face. 

Despite that worrisome talk on his first day, Jimmy quickly found himself learning any manner of science from T’mesu--quickly outstripping the curriculum in his science class. This had the added bonus of pissing off Kastrik, which seemed to amuse T’mesu to no end when Jimmy had told her--in that Vulcan non-reaction kind of way. 

“We were schoolmates,” she told him one day, almost smirking. “I consistently surpassed him in all subjects and he still resents me for it.”

As the days turned into weeks, T’mesu began sprinkling other subjects into what she taught Jimmy--though she always taught these while he was in the midst of something more important, monopolising on his ability to multitask. 

He found that he liked these moments best, because (and he would never, ever say this outloud) it felt less like something at mentor would teach their mentee, and more like how Sam had helped Jimmy when they were younger…Like a family member passing on what they knew to help the younger one thrive. 

Of course, once he’d had that thought, he’d shoved it as far away from his mind as he could. It was far too close to the melancholy he’d left behind on Terra. 

All excepting Doctor Kastrik, Jimmy’s teachers were over the moon with his (voluntarily) interning at the science lab. He was getting full marks in all of their classes, which reflected good on them. They seemed to also appreciate that it took up time which might’ve been spend troublemaking. 

Even with the extra work hours added to his day, Jimmy found himself visiting Tommy with more frequency. He was good to talk to, even if, as time went on, he was beginning to think Emmett’s earlier words held more truth than he’d want to admit. Jimmy  _ hated  _ getting crushes. But it easy to ignore that feeling when he was talking to the boy. Well, usually.

Early into his internship, Jimmy called on the Leighton house. This time, it had been Barbara who’d answered the door. As she’d taken to doing, she pulled him into a brief, tight hug and commented on how thin he was (though, she herself was a rather tiny woman). “They aren’t feeding you enough at that school,” she tutted. The she turned towards the stairs. “Tom, Jimmy is here.”

Tommy bounded down the stairs and grinned at his friend. He grabbed Jimmy’s wrist and pulled him back towards the stairs he’d just come down. His hand around Jimmy’s wrist was hot, and he felt his ears burn. “We’ll be in my room mom.”   


As she did every time, Barbara called back, “Keep your door open.”   
  
Jimmy sat on the floor and began pulling his books from his bag. “Hey, why does she say that?”   
  
“Hmm?” Tommy looked up, then grinned--which sent a fluttering, swooping feeling up Jimmy’s chest. “Oh, she wants to make sure I’m not getting up to any--” He wrinkled his face. “--’Hanky panky.’ Her words, not mine.”   
  
The swooping feeling got stronger. “O-oh.” Jimmy laughed nervously.    
  
Tommy laughed too. “Yeah, and she does it for all my friends. You’d think she would’ve stopped with most of them by now, since I got a girlfriend recently.”   
  
The swooping dropped from his chest like a stone. He pretended to still look interested, even while he inwardly slumped in defeat. “You got a girlfriend?”   
  
Tom beamed. “Yeah, her name is Heather. Heather Riley.” He said the name dreamily, like it was a thing to be cherished.    
  
Jimmy abruptly wished a horrible, awful fate on Heather Riley, then immediately felt bad. It was neither one of their faults that Jimmy the unfortunate luck to go reaching for the unattainable. He took a deep breath, smothered away his jealousy, and managed a true smile. “Congrats on that, then.”   
  
The conversation moved on to other things.    
  
“How’s your internship going?” Tom asked much later.    
  
Jimmy grinned proudly. “It’s amazing. My mentor is from Vulcan, like my principal, but she’s so much nicer. She’s always patient with me and I’m learning so much from her--”   
  
He was interrupted by Tom’s quiet laughter.    
  
“What?” He asked, trying not to feel hurt.   
  
“No, no, I’m really glad you’re enjoying yourself.” Tom smirked. “Just sounds like you’ve got a thing for the lady.”   
  
Jimmy found himself chuckling at the irony of the statement, before shaking his head. “It’s not like that. I mean, yeah, she’s real pretty, but...She’s how I wished my mom was if--”   
  
He cut himself off.

He wasn’t going to let himself think about  _ that  _ either. He locked the thought away in the small box in his head of things he wasn’t supposed to think about. He had more important things to focus on anyhow. 

It took Jimmy too long to notice that as the weeks wore on, T’mesu became increasingly strained and worried looking. He had wondered briefly whether she was stressed over the extra workload he made by learning under her. However, he’d also noticed that she seemed the least bothered when he was in the middle of teaching him something. 

No, the strain had something to do with the food. 

Jimmy’s mind went back to that first conversation. Perhaps the food situation was worse than had been originally thought. After the worry didn’t seem to solve itself, he risked asking T’mesu directly. 

She was very blunt about it. Jimmy wasn’t sure whether or not he appreciated it. 

“The shortage is more severe than it was calculated,” T’mesu said, looking frustrated at herself. “Whatever is affecting the crops is developing at a faster rate than we previously assumed. We were off by 5.324%”

Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up in alarm. “If you put that into the original calculation...That’s over 34% of the population going hungry, isn’t it?”

She grimaced--probably partially at the imprecise calculation. “More or less. And the number will continue to grow.” She looked down at him, her eyes suddenly desperate, even as her face remained neutral. “Jim, I do not know what this will mean for you and for the school. The governor may elect to send the students back to their point of origin to complete their sentences there.”

Going back, would mean going home to Frank. He didn’t want to go back to Frank. Jimmy bit back the urge to ask her to take him in. It was, to put it like a Vulcan would, highly illogical of him to think that. He pushed the thought away. 

“Whatever happens, I’ll probably be fine. But what about you guys?” he asked. “Is this going to affect the lab?”

T’mesu nodded. “We will need to work harder to find the source of the contaminant. Once we locate it, we will need to neutralize it.”

“But that could take months,” Jimmy said. Months that they both knew they didn’t really have. “Can I help? Can we call one of the other nearby colonies, or Starfleet?”

“Your help will be welcome,” she said. “And if we have not found the contaminating agent within the next five days, then I will call Starfleet to advise them on our situation.”

He’d hoped it wouldn’t come to that. However, when he’d arrived to the labs the next evening, it was to a sight he hadn’t expected to see. All of the lab technicians and scientists were hurrying around, poorly concealed panic on their faces. He caught Nate’s arm as he passed. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“Comms are down,” the man told him. He was sweating and breathing heavily, and, frankly, he looked like he might pass out on Jimmy. 

“Well...I could go back to the school and use theirs to--”

Nate shook his head roughly. “No, you don’t understand. The comms are down  _ everywhere _ . We have no way to contact anyone off Tarsus IV. The whole planet’s gone dark.”

And with that ominous statement, he pulled away and hurried off. Jimmy stared after the man hopelessly for a moment, and then hurried off himself to find T’mesu. 

When he’d found her, she was a mess, even by  _ human  _ standard, let alone Vulcan. She was clearly frazzled; her hair was half undone and she was deathly pale, like all the blood had been bleached from her body. When she saw him, her body slumped into something like relief. 

“The governor and the council have been overthrown,” she said, putting down the PADD she’d been attempting to use. The screen was dark.  “The usurper has claimed to be a savior. I am not sure that is the truth.” She fixed him a steady look. “We are ready for that help, if the offer is still available.”

“Of course,” Jimmy said immediately. Internally, he was quashing down panic. “What d’you need me to do?”

Somehow, T’mesu had gotten wind of Jimmy’s hacking abilities, though he didn’t know how. He hadn’t done anything since he’d been on the ship, almost three months before. He decided he didn’t want to know. 

“I dunno if I can do anything with the comms,” he told them as they made their way to where the power source was located. “The most I’ve ever done is reprogram radios to play what I want.”

T’mesu nodded. “As much as the electronic industry would not like to admit it, communication devices are quite similar.”

Once they’d gotten the compartment open, and Jimmy had taken a look at the wiring, he too admitted that it looked quite like the wiring that the ship's radio system had had. “I think I might be able to work with this,” he told T’mesu.

She nodded sharply. “I will inform you if and when we have achieved a signal.”

He got to work. 

Nearly two hours later, they still had nothing. Jimmy wanted to punch himself for thinking he’d be able to do something so above his skill set. He was very near just throwing in the towel and asking one of the adults to take his place. 

Just as he was about to put down his tools, Jimmy heard yelling from outside the room. 

“We got a signal,” he heard Nate yell. “Boss is sending out the message.” Jimmy hurried out of the room. 

T’mesu was sitting at a table with a comm and an earpiece in her ear. “This is T’mesu, daughter of Sirrann, of the Tarsus IV colony. This is an emergency. Our food supply is dangerously low and we need evac--” She cut herself off, shaking her head. “The signal is down.”

Jimmy’s heart fell. “Sorry,” he said. “Guess I wasn’t much help.”

“No Jim,” T’mesu said, turning to look at him. “We have achieved more with you here, than we would have otherwise.”

Nate nodded, putting a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “You did what you could, kid. That’s as much as any of us can say.”

“There is a chance that a ship will receive that broadcast and come to aid us,” T’mesu added. 

“What’s the percentage of chance?” Jimmy asked, having noticed she’d excluded it from what would be an otherwise hopeful sentence.

“...There is a 4.245% chance,” she said after a moment. 

Resignation pooled in Jimmy’s stomach like liquified metal. “So what do we do?”

“We plan for the worst,” she said, looking very tired. The,  _ because the worst is inevitably coming _ , went unsaid.

The next week, the killing began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week will be hell for the people of Tarsus IV.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die.”  
> ― Herbert Hoover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it starts.
> 
> So...um...warning for non-graphic descriptions of people being killed? Also, threats to a minor's life. But, since you're reading this story, that shouldn't come as much of a shock.

When Jimmy had arrived in his classes come Monday morning, he didn’t know to be worried that a good portion of his teachers were... _ out sick _ . He didn’t feel worried even as he sat through homeroom and literature with an unfamiliar, unsmiling man. He didn’t feel worried when his funny but ancient xenolinguistics teacher was replaced by a woman who clearly had no idea what she was talking about. 

No, Jimmy didn’t get worried until the announcement. 

At the end of the school day, the principal had the student body gather in the auditorium. Professor V’lurrun stood at the room, arms tightly behind her back, as usual, but with a distinctly ruffled appearance--though she had not a single hair out of place. She addressed the room at large. 

“Our new governor has asked to address the people. He has requested our presence in the courtyard outside his home tomorrow evening at 1730.” She seemed to stare at each one of her students in turn. “However, if you have any educational obligation at that time, I suggest that you continue to them. I am...sure that our governor will not mind.” There was just a hint of a waver in her voice that Jimmy almost didn’t catch. 

He felt a shiver go down his spine. 

On their way out, Jimmy grabbed Emmett’s wrist, trying not to seem urgent. “Hey, meet me at the lab tomorrow, yeah?”

Emmett looked at him in confusion. “Jim, I don’t have anything I need to be doing down that way. Plus I need to watch my cousin tomorrow, my aunt has something she needs to do.” He pulled his wrist away and shook his head. “Sorry dude, I’ll see you back at the dorms.”

Jimmy watched him go with foreboding building in his chest.

The foreboding made a home in his throat as he made his way over to the lab that evening. He’d barely reached the door, when T’mesu was suddenly there. She grabbed him by the shoulder. “Come with me.”

“T’mesu, what--”

She shook her head. “I will explain in a moment.”

T’mesu took him to a small house about a block from the labs. It was her home. Jimmy’s confusion grew. The woman didn’t speak until the door was closed and locked. 

“The worst has come,” she said darkly. 

Panic bloomed in Jimmy’s chest like a poisonous flower. “Has the food run out?”

“No, not yet.” The deep frown she was sporting didn’t match her usually calm face. “However, with things as bad as they are, people will begin resorting to drastic measures. Like our new governor is going to.”

Jimmy didn’t like the sound of that. “What’s he doing? Does it have anything to do with the teachers that were out today?”

She looked at him with peircing eyes. “There were teachers out today?” She closed her eyes tightly. “Then we are already too late, it has begun.”

“What?” Jimmy asked, his voice raising to a shout. “What the hell is going on? Give me a straight answer!”

T’mesu’s eyes were unbearably sad. “If one is only able to feed half a population, what is one to do with the other half? Some think that you must lower the population to better fit the numbers.”

Horror built behind his eyes, manifesting in a burning that was quickly becoming tears. “No. He’s going to kill them.” Hot tears spilled down his cheeks and he wiped them away angrily. And then he bolted. He raced out of the house, heedless to T’mesu’s calls for him to come back. 

The governor’s home was a big sprawling mansion with a law as big as a Terran golf course. And it was packed. Despite the great number of people--at least five hundred, when Jimmy would guess later, the area was completely silent. All of them were looking towards the large viewing screen that resided on the side of the house. 

A man in a rather ornate mask came on screen. When he spoke, his voice was soft, almost lyrical. “The revolution is successful, but survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives means slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered. Signed, Kodos, governor of Tarsus IV.”

The lawn wasn’t silent after that. 

Jimmy felt frozen in place as guards--guards he recognized from his  _ school _ , gunned downed the screaming group. Some tried to run, to duck, to hide. They were dead before they could reach the edge of the court yard. Some of them stood where they were, resigned to the fate that had been brought upon them.

With a jolt of pure sorrow, Jimmy recognized Wade standing on the edge of the dying group, back straight, head held high, and a steady stream of tears running down his face. He did not flinch as a phaser was raised to his head, didn’t even move. And then, with a whining electronic sound, the teacher fell like a puppet with his strings cut. 

Jimmy didn’t even remember returning to T’mesu’s house over his haze of grief. He barely remembered the woman sitting him down with a cup of tea at her table, looking for all the world like she would cry too if she were able to. He almost remembered falling into a fitful sleep on his chair, and the warm strength of the woman’s arms as she put him into a bed and covered him with a heavy comforter, like a mother might tuck in her child. 

\---

It was not yet light outside when he was shaken awake. He blinked past the crust in his eyes to peer at T’mesu. She stood beside the bed, calm but purposeful. There was a bag in her hands. “I let you sleep as long as I dared,” she murmured. As Jimmy sat up, she pushed the bag into his arms. “But now you must go, before dawn breaks, you must  _ flee _ .”

Jimmy was on his feet. He pulled the bag over his shoulder. “Where do I go?” he asked her, following her down into the hall. “Why aren’t you coming with me?”

“I cannot Jim,” she said, brushing her fingers lightly over his hair. “I must distract them from your absence, should it come to that.” Her eyes were bright with a grief she was unable to transform into tears. “Go as far into the woods as you can. Do not reside too near to a water source, that is the first place they will think to look.”

The sentence sounded like a dismissal and a goodbye wrapped in one. 

He swallowed back the urge to cry again, and the urge to grab the woman in a hug. He held his hand up in a clumsy  _ ta’al _ . “...Live--Live long and prosper, T’mesu.” He gave in and let a few tears slip past his guard. 

She held up her own hand in the sign. “Peace and long life Jim.”

Jimmy slipped out the backdoor. As he began to run, his thoughts began to race. He couldn’t leave without at least attempting to get to his friends. He would never forgive himself. But he knew with sinking, horrible certainty, that if he made his way back into the school, he would likely never leave again. 

Jimmy sent a silent apology to Emmett and began making his way towards Tom’s house. 

As he reached the street, his heart stuttered in his chest. There was a commotion going on at the front of the house. He watched with horrified eyes as Barbara and Rod Leighton struggled in the arms of four guards--he saw the moment that the guards gave up and decided to shoot the couple and save themselves the hard work. 

Swallowing his panic and grief, Jimmy snuck to the other side of the house. He silently prayed that Tommy was still in his room. Jimmy dropped the bag and climbed up the tree that resided next to the boy’s bedroom window. “Tommy,” he hissed urgently, once he was level with the glass. “Tommy please, we have to get out of here.”

After a moment, the window slid open, and Tommy was there. His frightened, red-rimmed eyes made Jimmy’s heart ache. 

“My parents Jim,” Tommy whispered. “Why did they take my parents?”

Jimmy shook his head and held out a hand. “Tom, I’m sorry, I’ll explain everything the best I can later. But we  _ have  _ to get out,  _ now _ .”

With a shaky sob, Tommy grabbed Jimmy’s hand and pulled himself into the tree. 

When they both had their feet on the ground, Jimmy pulled Tommy into a hug. Tommy clutched his friend tightly for a half a second, allowing himself to sob, before he pulled away with still hitching breath. “Heather, Jim. Please, I can’t--” His voice broke. “--I can’t lose anyone else tonight. We have to go get her.”

Jimmy closed his eyes in resolve. “Where does she live?” He picked up the bag. 

Heather Riley and her family, by great coincidence, lived at the edge of town, near the start of the sprawling forest. This was the good news. The bad news, however, was that it also rested next to street that the governor’s house was on. Where hundreds more people doomed to the fate given to them by a madman would soon die. 

The two boys picked their way through the town, sticking to the shadows that grew increasingly thin as the sun rose high and hot in the sky. To avoid being seen by anyone at the mansion, they took the long way to reach the girl’s home. By the time they stood at the backdoor of the house, the sun blared heavily on them. 

Jimmy peered inside the darkened windows. When he spotted no movement on the inside, he tried the door, but it didn’t take him long to notice that the lock was broken. “We aren’t the first ones here,” he said grimly.

Tommy made a soft broken sound, but followed Jimmy as he slipped inside the house. 

The inside of the house was in shambles. The furniture was broken and everywhere. The wallpaper was slashed and beginning to tear from the wall. But it took Jimmy a second longer than Tommy to notice the worst part.

Two prone bodies laid on the floor, angles unnatural. Jimmy’s stomach lurched in his throat, but he knelt down to check their pulses anyhow. It was no use. The people--who Jimmy assumed were the Mr. and Mrs. Riley, had been dead for at least an hour. 

“Heather could still be here,” Jimmy said to his friend.

Tommy swallowed heavily and nodded. “Her...Heather’s brother, Kevin. His room. She and her brother might be there.”

The room was not as badly mussed as the downstairs, which Jimmy chose to take as a good sign. 

“Check where you can,” Jimmy said to his friend. “We need to find them quick and get the hell out of here; the guards could come back to double check.”

Tommy nodded firmly. 

They had barely taken a step forward however, when there was a rather large thump from the closet. Jimmy walked over to it and when he opened it, two forms fell from it. 

“Heather!” Tommy cried out. 

The girl stood up shaking, and clutching her younger brother to her like a lifeline. After a moment though, Heather blinked and stared at her boyfriend. “Tom?”

He pulled her and Kevin into a tight hug. Jimmy looked away, feeling like an intruder on the moment. After a minute or so, he coughed. 

The three looked to him and he grimaced. “I’m sorry, but we really need to go.”

He started towards the door and then stopped, considering the two siblings. He would, if he were able to, spare the two from having to see their parent’s bodies. He shot a somewhat desperate look at Tommy, who looked to his girlfriend. 

“Heather,” he began softly. 

“It’s okay,” she interrupted, her eyes closing. “We’ve...we already saw them.” She clutched her brother’s hand tightly. The younger boy shook a little. He couldn’t be older than nine. He was much too young to have gone through this. All of them were.

Jimmy nodded. He swallowed past the sudden hate for the governor, for  _ Kodos, _ that surpassed anyone and anything that he’d ever hated before. 

None of them looked at the bodies as they passed, slipping outside into the now boiling heat. Across the street, Jimmy could see the pinpricks of people forming into one giant mass, maybe even oblivious to what was about to happen to them. He turned away as he heard that hateful speech from yesterday spoken once again. 

“C’mon,” he said, catching the attention of the rest of the little group. “We don’t have much time now.”

They had barely passed the treeline when the screaming began. Jimmy didn’t let his steps falter, even as he desperately, irrationally,  _ hoped _ that T’mesu wasn’t among them. 

All of them faltered briefly when they heard the rustling of foliage from behind them. They had run out of time, and it was likely that the guards were now searching for the people who had managed to escape. Jimmy urged them to go faster. They had to get away, they just  _ had  _ to. 

But.

The four of them all heard the high piercing wail of a baby. Jimmy paused where he stood, closing his eyes against the urge to turn around. But he knew what he’d already decided. They all stopped to look at him, but he shook his head roughly. He pushed the bag off onto Heather, who took it with a confused look in her eyes. “You guys keep going, I’ll catch up with you.” The words tasted like a lie coming off his tongue. When he caught sight of Tommy’s stubborn face, he sighed.

_ I can’t lose anyone else today _ . 

_ You’re not allowed to die _ .

“I promised you, Tom,” Jimmy shouted. “Now  _ go! _ ”

The three sprinted away, and Jimmy turned around to wait. 

He didn’t have to wait long. Less than a minute after he had stopped, a man came crashing out of the brush, phaser in hand. Jimmy’s heart jumped in his throat, but he stood his ground. 

“Where is it kid?” the man asked, holding the phaser to the boy’s face. 

Jimmy carefully did not flinch. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”

His insides froze as the man turned up the dial on the gun and continued to hold it up. “I’m gonna ask you again. Where is the fucking baby? If you tell me, I might spare your life.”

“S-screw you,” Jimmy said, hating how his voice wavered on the words. He stumbled backwards and fell over a tree stump as the man got closer. The man loomed over him, and Jimmy knew that he was dead. There was no way he would get out of this.

Then a figure dived from the trees onto the man. The small shadow reached onto one of the shoulders of the man and squeezed sharply. The man dropped. As the figure stood, he recognized what she was--another Vulcan. A little girl, and the wailing from earlier was emanating from the sling attached to her back.

Jimmy blinked and looked up.

The girl brushed herself off. “I am appreciative of the assistance.” She held up a  _ ta’al _ . “I am T’susa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have cried writing this chapter...*shrugs*


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our little group finds somewhere to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is rather short, unfortunately. Thanks for the continual support!

Jimmy laughed somewhat incredulously. He continued to run into Vulcans. It was like he was a magnet for them or something. “Thanks for the save, whatever the heck that was,” he said, gesturing to where the guard lay knocked out. “And don’t think I’m not grateful or anything, but  _ why  _ did you save me?”

“You are James Tiberius Kirk,” the girl called T’susa said. “My mother has spoken of you.”

Jimmy froze in the action of getting off the ground. He shook himself and got to his feet. “And...who’s your mother?” He hadn’t thought that T’mesu had even been married, to say nothing about  _ kids _ . 

“She is V’lurrun,” the little girl said primly. And Jimmy suddenly recognized the straight-backed way she stood. “And he is Sojann.” She turned so that Jimmy could better see the baby strapped to her back. The wailing had quieted into a burbling whimper.

“You’re the daughter of the principal?” Jimmy said. The woman hadn’t seemed like someone who would want kids. Then again, he had seen her barely hidden urgency at the assembly the day before. She had tried to warn the students, if in a roundabout way.

“I have just said that, yes,” T’susa said. She looked down at the man. “We should leave. He will wake up soon.”

Jimmy nodded. “I dunno if we’ll be able catch up with them, but the people I was with went that way.” He pointed off into the direction the little group had gone. 

“We will meet up with them,” T’susa said. She sounded certain. 

As they made their way through the already trampled brush, Jimmy found out why. Not far into the trek, they found the rest of the group waiting for them. 

“See,” T’susa said,  _ oh  _ so helpfully. “I heard them stop.”

The stress of the day and all Jimmy’s fear of getting killed, and of getting  _ them  _ killed boiled together into an explosion. For once, he allowed the words to burst out of him. “ _ Why the hell didn’t you keep moving?! _ ” he yelled. “ _ You could have been killed _ !”

The only person who flinched at the harsh tone was Kevin, and Jimmy felt guilty about that, but his anger at the other two hadn’t cooled in the slightest. 

Tommy’s face was defiant and unapologetic. “We weren’t just going to leave you Jim.” His face went dark, sad. “You guys are all I got left. You’re family.”

From next to Tommy, Heather nodded firmly. “You helped us, it would feel wrong to leave you to...d-die.” She stuttered over the last word, but she remained resolute.

Jimmy felt the anger drain out of him. He resisted the urge to cry again. He had understood his own urge to protect them. He hadn’t expected--or particularly  _ wanted,  _ their reciprocation. Now that he had it though, he felt light and warm. 

He ducked his head and when he spoke his voice sounded gruff to his own ears. “Well, fine. But, either way, don’t do that again.” He took the bag back from Heather. “This is T’susa and her brother--Sojann, was it?”

T’susa nodded. 

“Yeah, but they’re gonna stay with us--why _ are  _ you coming along, anyway?” Jimmy looked towards her curiously. “I mean, I don’t mind, but--”

“--My mother and father suspected that my family might be targeted,” she said, in that blank, bored sound that Jimmy recognized from when T’mesu was having trouble keeping her emotions down. 

“Oh,” Jimmy said, feeling sorry for asking. He hadn’t wanted to cause her any extra pain. He sighed and shook himself. “A nyway, we need to keep moving.”

As they began to walk again, Heather came up beside T’susa. “If your back gets tired, I can carry your brother for a while.”

“That will not be necessary,” T’susa said, glaring straight ahead. “Vulcan strength is far superior to that of humans.”

Heather blinked in surprise at the harsh tone, and then moved aside as T’susa walked ahead. Jimmy came up beside the older girl. She smiled at him sadly. After a moment, she spoke, “I know she didn’t mean anything by it,” she said. “It was a stupid thing for me to say. I would have reacted the same if someone had said something like that to me--it’d feel like my ability to take care of my brother was being judged.”

Jimmy nodded. “When I was younger and my brother was the one taking care of me, he was the same way.” He smiled, a touch bitterly. “God I miss Sam.”

She put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Is he back home on Terra?”

The smile dimmed on his face. “Yeah. He’s back on Terra.”

The group walked for a while longer before the next distraction hit. Once again in the form of Sojann beginning to cry. It was different than the first time however, a mournful howling sound. And besides that... 

T’susa was shaking violently. After a moment, she stopped and sat silently on the ground and pulled her still wailing brother from his sling and onto her lap. Jimmy stopped and gestured for the others to go on. This time they did so without question, though they shot worried looks behind them as they went. As Jimmy got closer to T’susa, he could hear that she was murmuring words, repeating a mantra. 

_ “I am in control of my emotions _ .”

Her voice didn’t shake. It didn’t quaver. But it was somehow still the saddest thing he’d ever heard. 

He crouched next to her. “This is probably a dumb thing to ask, but are you okay?”

T’susa cut her muttering off mid-sentence. In her arms, the baby’s warbling had quieted down into sobs. She was absently pressing two fingers against the side of his head. She didn’t remove her hand, even as she stood gracefully to her feet, her face blank as slate. “I was...momentarily compromised. I apologize for impairing your group, James Kirk. It will not happen again.”

Jimmy’s brow scrunched together in worry at the non-answer. 

“I would not force you to burden yourself with my presence longer than is logical, but I ask that you aid myself and my brother--we no longer have anywhere else to go, at the moment.”

Jimmy’s insides twisted in brief sorrow as his mind made a jump towards the likely conclusion. Her parents were now dead. There was an unexpected pang of sadness at the loss of his principal. Jimmy nodded. “Of course you can stay with us.”

“Jimmy?”

He turned towards Tommy, who had returned alone. Jimmy took it as a good sign that the other boy didn’t look any more worried. Indeed, he looked tiredly hopeful. “Yeah, Tom?”

“I think we’ve found a good place to hide, at least for now.”

That was the best news that Jimmy had had all day. Still, he waited until T’susa was on her feet before following after Tom past the heavy line of trees. Just a few feet from where they had been, there was the rocky face of a hill, or perhaps a small mountain. Heather and Kevin were not in sight, but Jimmy didn’t allow himself to freak out, since Tommy seemed calm enough. 

The boy gestured to them and led them around the rocks, until they reached the small mouth of a cave. The hole was small enough that Jimmy had to duck as he came inside. The skinny passageway opened up into a large open area that curved itself off several feet in. The late afternoon daylight illuminated the room just enough to see Heather and Kevin set up against one wall. He stepped farther in to allow Tommy and T’susa to pass him. 

It was an amazing place, that the others had found, and he told them so. 

“Kevin is the one who found it,” Heather said proudly. The boy in question was curled into her side, half-asleep. He was sniffling slightly. The long trek and his grief had probably exhausted the poor boy. 

“Thanks for finding such a good place Kevin,” Jimmy said to the boy softly. Kevin nodded his acknowledgement of the words into his sister’s shoulder. 

After a moment, T’susa spoke, without inflection. “Indeed, this area is very adequate. The likelihood of being found within a week is low.” Having apparently said her piece, T’susa turned away and began unfolding the baby sling to convert it into a bed for her brother. 

This action reminded Jimmy that he had not yet gone through the bag that T’mesu had given him that morning. He pulled it off his shoulder and opened it up. Tommy and Heather both leaned over to peer over his shoulder. 

T’mesu could not have had much time to pack, but somehow she had managed to include food and medical supplies, as sparse as it was. He spread out the supplies on the ground to look it all over at once. If he took all six of them into account (which T’mesu hadn’t known to plan for) the food looked like it might last them for at least two weeks. He told Heather and Tommy as much. 

“Two point four.”

All three of them turned to look at T’susa, who had set her brother down on the bed (though her hand remained pressed to his face) and was now facing them. “Judging by your confused expressions, I assume you do not know that as a Vulcan, I am required to eat and drink less than the average human. As such, you will be able to spread out the food to last for three point six days past your original estimation.”

They stared blankly at her for a while longer, before Heather smiled at her. “Thank you for telling us T’susa.”

“Thanks are illogical,” she replied, and watched as Heather’s face fell. “But I suppose, in this case, they are welcome,” she continued. Then she laid down beside her brother and turned to face away from them. 

The three older kids got back to looking over the supplies. Aside from the meagre medical supplies, which they planned to save for an emergency, there were twelve water purifying tablets, and a single large blanket at the bottom of the bag. 

“You can have it Heather,” Jimmy and Tommy both said at the same time. 

Heather huffed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so proud, we’ll all use it. It’s still early enough in the year the nighttime is cold, and that thing is big enough for all of us.”

The boys relented to her. 

They had a quiet argument as to whether or not they should have a watch system, but eventually they all agreed that it would be safer to have one. Jimmy allowed Heather to take first watch, on the promise that she would wake him up for middle. Despite that though, he didn’t fall asleep. And he was sure, neither had the other children. It was almost silent, but it was difficult to hide the sound of heartache completely. 

Jimmy tuned out the other sounds, even as he curled in on himself and wished desperately,  _ desperately _ , that he were home with Sam. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week, we see what has become of the town--and a few of the characters who still reside there.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we encounter a familiar face, and Jimmy really needs to take care of himself better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tad late...oops? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jimmy didn’t eat much. It seemed too selfish to do so, when half of their little group was younger than ten, and the other two had dealt with enough, let alone having to deal with going hungry. Oh, he made it look like he ate more than he did. The last thing he wanted was for the others to feel guilty for taking the portion that, by all fair rights, should be his. 

T’susa caught on within the first three days. 

She couldn’t talk though, because she was doing the same thing. As she had claimed on the first day, she was taking the lack much easier than he was. And despite his efforts, she wouldn’t eat any more than he was--which was probably the right amount of food for  _ Sojann _ if Jimmy were being honest. 

“But you’re, like,  _ seven _ ,” he implored her, late one night as they sat out on his watch period. 

“Seven point eight three,” she corrected. “And I grew up in a desert environment, I can handle it.” She fixed him with a hard look that reminded him of T’mesu. “ _ You _ , however, cannot.”

“It’s not like I can eat most of what we have,” he argued. “I’m allergic to half the universe.”

“Being allergic to half the universe is improbable,” she snapped back. “And nevertheless, you hardly eat even the small amount that you  _ can  _ consume.”

They had this argument often, but only when the others wouldn’t hear. Despite the words thrown between them, they both knew that they wouldn’t sell the other out--yet. 

Even as Jimmy began to feel hollow and achey all of the time, he learned to ignore it with an ease that was probably dangerous. Anything to keep the others on the right side of starvation, instead of joining him on the left. 

The only bright point since they began living in the cave, had been finding a small, almost invisible creek about half a mile out. It was far enough away that they felt it wasn’t likely to lead anyone to them, but close enough that it was a boone. It was a small win, but it was a win nonetheless. 

Despite Jimmy’s careful distribution, their small store of food began to run dangerously low at the end of the second week. To add insult to injury (or perhaps the other way around), Heather was getting sick. 

“It’s just a cold,” she had said stuffily, on their eighth day of cohabitation. But from the worried looks both her brother and Tommy were sending her way, it was likely much worse than a cold. 

When he’d spared a worried thought for Sojann--since babies were extra susceptible to illness, T’susa had put  _ those _ worries to rest with a soff. 

“Vulcan’s cannot get  _ colds _ .” She sounded almost offended at the mere thought. It was just enough to startle a laugh out of Jimmy. 

By the second Thursday, with the food supply barely large enough for a single meal, and Heather not getting any better, Jimmy made the hard decision to go back into town. 

_ Everyone  _ thought this was a bad idea (including himself), but there was little other choice. None of them knew how to hunt, and even if they learned, there was nothing  _ to  _ hunt. And none of them could identify the plants in the area, so there would be no risking death by consuming the wrong one. 

He forced the others to stay behind. 

“I need you to watch the kids,” he implored to his friend seriously. The sun was just beginning to set, washing the world and the two boys in golden pink. 

Tommy gave a very weak laugh. “Sounds like you’re the breadwinner in this household, if I’m the stay-at-home parent.”

That flutter that seemed to be from so long ago (though it was only a month, at most) made a valiant effort to wake itself up, but Jimmy squashed it down in an instant. 

He grinned toothily at his friend, pulling the straps of the empty bag tighter on his shoulders. “That seems to be the way it works. See you in a while Tom.”

Tommy nodded, face suddenly solemn. “Remember your promise.”

Jimmy made an x shape over his heart with a finger. “Promise.”

Tom went back to the mouth of the cave, but as Jimmy began to move out of the clearing and into the wood, he noticed T’susa joining him. He stopped immediately.

“What are you doing?”

The look she gave him could have frozen fire. “I am coming with you.”

“No you’re not.”

She shook her head, frustration blooming on her face. “I  _ am _ . You have little regard for your personal safety. You will likely unnecessarily endanger your life, and you have a sixty-seven percent chance that you will be caught.”

“Then I’ll beat the odds,” he said, half in promise. He stooped down so their faces were level with each other. “Listen to me T’susa. I need you to help Tom with the other kids, and watch Heather’s health. We have a bit of medicine left, if there’s an emergency. I trust your judgement. Okay?”

She sighed patronizingly and nodded. “I am aware that you are manipulating me into staying.”

“Is it working?”

“...Affirmative.”

Jimmy grinned at her. “I’ll be back with more food in no time!” He banded off, even as she called after him. 

“That is an illogical amount of time!”

\---

The town was dark and deadly silent. As Jimmy moved swiftly down the roads, it was hard not to notice. Whereas before, people would roam the streets until late in the evening, now the only people he saw up and about were obviously guards. There weren’t that many of them, so he slipped by with ease, but it was still early. 

The clinic was dark, it’s employees having gone home hours earlier. But that meant that he was locked out. He wasn’t quite ready to risk picked the lock. He thought he could probably learn how, but it wasn’t the time or place to do so.

He moved past the place, setting his eyes on a different target: the labs.

This was both a smaller and larger risk. On one hand, it was likely that his prints were still keyed into the lock, but on the other, the building rested much closer to the governor’s house than he was currently comfortable with. Nonetheless, he made his way to the back and got inside the building without any trouble. 

The place was, like the Riley household had been, in shambles. Thankfully, there didn’t look to be any of his previous coworkers on the floor--he wouldn’t be able to handle that at the moment. 

There was a small break room near T’mesu’s office that had held any of the food that the employees had had on hand, as well as a small medical kit. That room was his goal. 

All the lights in the building were off, but Jimmy didn’t dare turn them on. If Kodos’ thugs got any wind of who was there, he was a dead man for certain. But the lack of light meant it was next to impossible to see. Therefore, when he stepped on something soft and squishy, he could be allowed the small yelp that he’d let out. 

A portable lamp flicked on and Jimmy was staring down into the bleary and alarmed face of Emmett. 

“Jim?” Emmett blurted. 

A wave of relief knocked the air from Jimmy’s chest. Emmett was alive. He was  _ alive _ . Jimmy dropped to the floor and wrapped the other boy in a hug. 

Emmett laughed and hugged him back. “Jesus man, I thought you were dead.” He pulled away from the hug to look at Jimmy’s face. “You say something cryptic about going to the lab, and then I never see you again.” He laughed again, a more brittle sound. “I oughta punch you for making me worry like that.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come find you,” Jimmy said. “I barely had any time to think, and then T’mesu was telling me I had to leave.” He ran a hand through his hair, huffing in incredulity.

“Em? Who’s that?”

Jimmy spun around, eyes widening at the sight of a little girl of about seven, peering around a corner, and a smaller figure hiding behind her. 

“Drea,” Emmett said coaxingly. “This is Jim, I told you about him, remember?”

Drea stepped forward, nodding. Her hand was clasped tightly with the hand of the other child, of some alien origin that Jimmy wasn’t certain of. “Yeah, you said he was your bestest friend.” She gave Jimmy a small smile, but after a moment it fell. “Have you seen my mommy?”

Jimmy shot an alarmed look at Emmett, whose grim face told him all he needed to know. He crouched down next to Drea and gave her a sad grin. “Sorry sweetheart, I can’t say that I have.”

She sighed. “That’s okay.” She tugged the other child forward. “This is Bek. He’s staying with us until we can find one of his mommies or daddies. He doesn’t talk much.” The boy had the look of a face that was meant to be smiling. The bleak expression didn’t match him.

“Hi Bek.” Bek stared at him, but didn’t say anything. Jimmy sighed and got to his feet, turning back to his friend. “How’d you guys get in here anyway?”

Emmett leaned against a lab table. “After all he--heck broke lose, I got Drea and decided to take your advice to come here. Along the way, I found this little guy wandering around by himself, so I brought him along. When we got here, everyone was panicking like it was the end of the world, but a guy named Nate let us in when I said you were my friend.”

Jimmy’s stomach jolted. “Yeah, Nate’s a good guy.”

“I think he was too,” Emmett said, and Jimmy tried not to panic at the past tense. “He was one of the last scientists to leave, and, so far, none of them have come back. Sorry Jim.”

Jimmy shook his head, swallowing the sick feeling in his stomach. “No it’s okay. I suspected when I came here that I might be the last one.” He resolutely did  _ not  _ think about T’mesu. “Speaking of, is there any supplies here?”

Emmett’s shrug was uncomfortable. “We’re running out of food, but we haven’t needed the medical stuff yet.”

Jimmy tried not to look too disappointed. Instead he gave his friend an approximation of a smile. “You guys wanna come back with me? We got a safe spot, and--” He turned back towards the two children, forcing his smile to grow wider, “--a few kids your age that could probably use a few new playmates.”

He knew the look that Emmett was sending him meant he was probably laying the cheerful act on too thick, but he thought he might have gotten enough practice with Kevin--and, to a much lesser extent, T’susa, to interact with kids. 

At first, he’d mostly just copied what he saw Tommy do, which seemed to go over  _ okay _ , but not perfect. Then he started pulling on his own experiences, which seemed oh so long ago, of how Sam would take care of him in a bad situation. Eventually, he’d gotten into his own speed of something that felt sometimes uncomfortably close to parenting. His joking with Tommy earlier in the day had held more truth to it than he’d like to admit. 

He felt proven right, when Drea just  _ beamed  _ at him. “That sounds great!”

Jimmy turned back to his friend, and talked lower to him. “It’s up to you. Things might be tight, and I’ll have to stretch food a little thinner, but I think we could make it work.”

Emmett gave in with a smile. “Sure Jim. I’ll get together what food I can find. Medicine is in the box in the room with the couches.”

Jimmy could have jumped for joy when he saw that there was cold medicine. Some part of him had felt irrationally guilty for Heather’s cold, though he couldn’t quite figure out why. He was hoping that the medicine might do her some good. Especially as he was bringing a human child into the mix, who could and  _ would  _ get sick. 

When Jimmy’s bag was filled to the brim with all he and Emmett could stuff it with, the little group got ready to depart. Outside, he couldn’t quite help the sad, guilty look he sent towards T’mesu’s house. Part of him, he knew, had been hoping for a chance to see if the woman was alive, but this time, he knew he couldn’t. 

They got past the guards with little trouble. Jimmy had come up with a little game to help Drea along with it. It was basically just hide and seek, but it had worked well enough. They only had one scare, when a guard had passed right by the shadowed corner they were hiding in. 

The walk back to the cave was uneventful. The children put up with the walking with no complaint, up until about two thirds of the way when they both looked about ready to fall asleep on their feet. He and Emmett ended up carrying them the rest of the way. 

The only ones awake when they got back were Tommy and T’susa. Jimmy couldn’t find it in him to be surprised that T’susa had joined in on Tommy’s watch. And they didn’t seem to be the least bit surprised that he’d brought back more people. 

Before he did anything else, Jimmy got out the cold medicine and woke Heather up to give her some. She fell back asleep immediately after she took it, barely having time to give him even a grateful smile. After he and Emmett had made sure the two children were tucked into the blanket and asleep, they joined Tommy and T’susa outside. Jimmy went to take Tommy’s place outside, but boy didn’t budge. 

“You should get some rest,” Tommy told him, more of a demand than a request. 

“I agree with Tom,” T’susa said. “In the last forty-eight hours, you have had less than two point four hours of sleep, as you have been taking Heather’s portion of the watch schedule since she became too sick three point eight days ago.”

“Jesus Jim,” Emmett said. He had sat down on the ground next to the other two. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“I’m  _ fine _ , I swear,” Jimmy said, almost believing himself. “Seriously, I’m not tired. You guys go to bed, or we’ll all be too tired to keep an eye on the kids tomorrow.”

“You’ll wake me up for second watch?” Tommy asked, relenting to Jimmy with a sour look on his face. 

Jimmy grimaced and nodded, which was enough for the other boy to leave. He turned to stare down T’susa. “Bed.”

She did not go with grace.

Finally he looked at Emmett and knew without even asking that he wasn’t going to bed until Jimmy did. He sighed. Jimmy was too tired to begrudge the triumphant grin that Emmett gave him. 

“So that was the famous Tommy,” he said after a while of silence that Jimmy missed immediately. 

“Shut the hell up,” Jimmy said, almost in a whine. 

Emmett put his hands mockingly. “I didn’t say anything.” His cheesy grin fell after a moment. “I wasn’t kidding earlier, you need to take care of yourself. I felt your ribs in that hug.”

“I am taking care of myself,” he lied. 

He knew that neither of them believed the words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week I BREAK Jimmy:)))


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which bad things happen one after another.
> 
> (And the author has a bad habit of under-stating things...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, warning for death of a kid? Not one of the nine (of course) but. Still. Also...more death--and injuries. Because Tarsus is horribly awful. More brief suicidal thoughts, because Jim.   
> *Posts chapter and runs away*

With three more kids, the food was stretched almost to the breaking point--even when counting the small amount of food that Emmett’s group had brought. Despite Emmett’s worries, Jimmy stopped eating almost completely. And he gave up any pretense of pretending to. 

As the days dragged by, he ignored the increasingly worried looks shared between the two older boys and T’susa. He didn’t have any choice if he wanted to keep everyone else fed. Jimmy divided the majority of his portion between the children and Heather, who had yet to show signs of improvement, even with the medicine. 

The food lasted an even shorter amount of time than before. Within a week, Jimmy slipped from the cave with the empty bag.  _ This  _ time, he was certain to bring back enough food. He had to. Too many people were counting on him. 

The dark streets were different from the last time. The moment he stepped out of the cover of the trees he resisted the urge to go back into them. There were guards everywhere he looked. 

Getting through them would be hellish and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

But in actuality, for the first hour that he was in town, nothing bad happened. He managed to find an empty house--of whom it belonged to, Jimmy was glad not to know. There was a small amount of food still hidden away, as well as few blankets small enough that he could tuck them into his bag. 

He was actually surprised that the house hadn’t already been picked clean. It was only after he further observed the outside that he understood why. He wished he hadn’t. 

Jimmy had barely left the house, when he spotted the boy. He couldn’t have been any older than Jimmy, and must have been in the same situation--if the bag slung on his back was any indication. For a moment, he entertained the idea of recruiting one more for their growing band of children--maybe if they gathered up enough, they could storm Kodos’ house and free the town!

His grin at the ludicrous thought transformed into a horrified expression, as he watched the boy stumble, falling out from his hiding place into the line of sight of the multitude of guards. There was no doubt as to what would happen next. If Jimmy had been closer, if there weren’t so many guards, maybe he would have been able to stop it. 

He kept his eyes on the boy, even as he fell, a hole where his heart used to be. 

Shaking, and swallowing the urge to vomit, Jimmy crept around the house to be more out of sight. If the men even assumed that he was there, he’d be just as dead. His heart thudded too loud as he listened to one of the men speak. 

“Fan out, he couldda had accomplices.”

Jimmy should have just given up then and gone straight back into the woods. He had more food than he’d expected to get. There wasn’t any real reason to stick around. But...there was a  _ hope _ . 

He knew that it was dumb to believe that T’mesu would still be alive. It had been three weeks, and he didn’t think she was one to sit quietly under a madman’s thumb. In his gut though, he felt almost  _ certain  _ that she was still living. 

Breathing quietly through his nose, Jimmy picked his way across the grounds, slipping into shadows like he belonged to them and feeling very lucky for every back alley that made it easier to avoid the guards and the sprawling lawn that were both death sentences. 

Jimmy almost yelped when he rounded a corner and found the back of one of the men. If the man turned even slightly, Jimmy would be found and killed. But T’mesu’s house was just beyond the alleyway he was in, and to go back would mean having to potentially cross the path of many more guards. 

Jimmy searched the ground desperately, knowing every second he was in the man’s presence was a second closer to death. And then he spotted a lone brick on the ground. He scooped it up silently. With his pulse practically choking him, Jimmy reached up and  _ slammed  _ the brick into the man’s head. The man dropped like a stone, blood pouring out of his head. 

Jimmy panicked. He hadn’t meant to kill the man! With shaking hands, he tore off a piece of his shirt and pressed it into the wound, his other hand against the man’s pulse in his neck. After a few minutes, with the bleeding slowing to sluggish, and the man’s pulse still going, Jimmy felt safe enough to move on. Fearing future encounters of the same, he grabbed the man’s phaser from his belt. 

There were no further problems along the way. The street along T’mesu’s home was oddly empty of guards. This, he would think much later, should have been a clue. 

His heart leapt when he got in sight of the house. The light was  _ on _ . She was alive! With a relieved smile, he made his way to the backdoor and pulled it open. And  _ froze _ . 

T’mesu stood in the kitchen with two men. They were both pointing phaser rifles at her. None of them had yet noticed that Jimmy stood there, because the men were too busy talking. 

“We know you were harboring those criminal kids. We know you know where they are,” one of them said. 

The line of T’mesu’s back was calm. She didn’t speak. The other guy had the  _ nerve  _ to poke her with his gun. Jimmy resisted the urge to charge into the room. T’mesu had a plan, he was certain, and he wasn’t going to ruin it.

“Don’t ignore us, you ice bitch. We’re being real nice right now. If you tell us, you get to live. If you don’t tell us, you die and we find the kids anyway.”

T’mesu’s voice was practically serene. “Even upon my death, you will not find those children until they are ready for you to find them. So I will not tell you. I believe the correct Terran term to use at this moment is,  _ Go fuck yourself _ .”

The second guard snarled and shot her in the stomach. T’mesu collapsed onto her knees, hands pressing into the sudden hole in her side. 

Jimmy swallowed back a wail of grief. 

“Good job,” the first guard said sarcastically, “you got rid of our only chance at finding those little shits.”

The other man grunted angrily. “She wasn’t gonna talk anyway.”

“Kastrik is going to be pissed--he had his sights on being the one to take her out.”

“Well, if that bastard wants to take that stick out of his ass and take me on, I’ll be glad to do it.” He looked down at T’mesu’s heaving body with a twisted frown on his face. “I don’t regret it. One less person we have to waste food on.” He kicked her onto her back.

Jimmy  _ snapped _ . 

With a below of unrestrained rage, he stormed into the house and raised the phaser at the man before either of them had time to react. With a haze of red anger over his vision he shot them both in the heads before either of them had time to raise their own rifles. 

It was only after both of them began to fall that he noticed the clean cauterized holes centered in their foreheads. The phaser had not been set to stun. He dropped it, fell to his knees, and finally gave into the urge to throw up. 

There wasn’t anything in his stomach  _ to  _ throw up. The bile sent a wave of fire up his throat. 

Jim  _ sobbed _ , overwhelmed by all the things that had happened in too short of a time. He couldn’t  _ do  _ this anymore. What was the  _ use _ ? There wasn’t any help coming. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep his family alive with so little food. His mentor was  _ deaddeaddead _ and he wanted to die too. 

“... _ Jim _ .”

With a watery gasp, Jim looked over to see T’mesu blinking blearily at him, her hand still over her gaping left side. He crawled over to her. “You’re alive,” he blubbered. 

She gave him a small smile. “They had...bad aim,” she croaked. “Wrong side.”

“What do I do?” he asked. “What do you need?’

“Bandages...in the third drawer...next to me.”

He got to his feet, almost stumbling over the bodies of the men. He forced himself to take a breath and ignore them for now. He got the cloth bandage out and maneuvered her so that she laid half-ways on his lap to wrap the cloth around her waist. 

“Do not...be concerned,” she said. “I am going to go into...a self induced coma. I will...heal.”

“T’mesu!”

Her eyes blinked closed and she was still. Desperate for an assurance, Jim pressed his fingers into her neck to check for a pulse, panicking for a second when he didn’t feel one, before remembering that her biology was far different from Humans and putting his hand above her mouth. He sighed in relief when he felt a puff of hot air. 

She was alive. 

He wept into her hair for a long moment, feeling a horrible mixture of relief and guilt. T’mesu was alive, but Jim had killed two men. There was no coming back from that. Any single shred of innocence he might have retained before that moment melted away, leaving his insides feeling more hollow than any lack of food could bring about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The brick guy probably didn't make it, just fyi. 
> 
> I am a horrible human being. I regret nothing. 
> 
> (also idk if he would've been able to feel her breath,but for the sake of the story--and what's left of Jim's sanity, he can)
> 
> We're at the half-way point now!


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim uses his resources, has another breakdown, and we finally figure out what's up with Heather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhh, I'm not crazy about this chapter. I mean, I don't DISlike it, but....
> 
> Once again, mention/discussion of Jim having a crush on a boy. 
> 
> Thanks for your continuing support, it makes posting this story worth it!

Jim didn’t know what to do with T’mesu. 

He had carefully dragged her body away from the kitchen and it’s...occupants, and into the carpeted living area. He wasn’t really sure what she would need, and he didn’t know if it would be better to leave her body in her home. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to carry her back to the cave, and that wasn’t even accounting for avoiding the guards. 

If he went and retrieved Emmett or Tommy for help…

He shook his head. No, he couldn’t be sure that the guards wouldn’t check the house again. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to her if he left her unprotected. He would have to bring her with him by himself. 

Jim looked out the window at the newly rising sun. He would need to wait until night fell again before he could risk leaving. If more guards came, well--he eyed the phaser that he had retrieved from where he’d dropped it. It was set firmly to  _ stun _ , where it would remain. 

He couldn’t think about that, had locked it away in the now large box in his brain full of things that were  _ too much _ . 

Looking back down at T’mesu, he debated whether he would be able to carry her without support. He looked at his stick thin arms (thinner for how little he was eating), and decided that it was unlikely. So he would have to come up with something to make it easier. 

Nothing came immediately to Jim’s mind. Deciding to allow himself more time to think, he grabbed his bag to fill it with whatever supplies he could find. He felt a little guilty, going through T’mesu’s stuff, but he had a feeling she probably wouldn’t mind, given the circumstances. 

Once again, he found only a small amount of food. However, combined with the food he had scavenged from the previous house, it was quite a bit more than the last time he’d gone out. Bag stuffed to bulging, Jim traipsed quietly through the rest of the house, searching for something that might help him carry T’mesu. 

Eventually, as he came to a stop in the bedroom, Jim got an idea. He tore the sheets from the bed and brought them back down to the living area. He had a whole day in which to practice making a sling that would fit the woman against his back. 

He remembered the sling that T’susa had used to carry her brother to the cave. It took almost the whole day to replicate the design with the sheets, big enough for an adult. That wasn’t even accounting for how long it took him to figure out how to get T’mesu onto his back with dignity intact. 

By time that night fell again, Jim had managed to get the woman fastened securely to his back. Slipping the backpack over his front, he left the house and stepped into the night. 

Avoiding the guards had not been an easy endeavor coming  _ in _ to town. Finding a way around them while carrying a significantly taller woman was much more of a challenge. He had decided, when he’d been testing the fastening on the harness, that the easiest way to get out alive, would be to avoid all streets and alleys altogether.

Jim bypassed almost the entirety of the town, sneaking to the border on the west side, which was lined only by wispy bushes that he brushed past easily. He did not dare go too far from them--the land past the west side of town was flat, with no cover in which to hide himself if someone looked his way. Concealed by shadow and brush, he walked undisturbed until he reached the deserted landing dock. 

Looking at the empty pad made him angry, but he didn’t know who or what to focus the anger on--Kodos?--for taking matters into his own hands and not even attempting to call for help until too late? Starfleet?--for not keeping better contact with their colonies?  _ Himself _ ?--for failing to fix the comms that could have stopped this whole mess from occurring?

He swallowed the feeling down, trapped it away, and moved past the area. In the distance, he could see the tips of the building that had been his school and home for just a few months. If he were braver, he knew, he would go search the building for more survivors. He didn’t dare. 

It took close to an hour to reach the line of trees. He was much farther south than where he would usually go through, but he would feel much safer once he had the heavy cover of the trees, even if it meant a longer walk and a painful back. 

T’mesu was surprisingly light for how tall she was compared to him. Even so, he was short and had grown weak. The longer he walked with her burden on his back, the shakier his legs felt. 

With the barrier of the trees between himself and the town, Jim felt more comfortable taking breaks that increased in number and length the longer he walked. By the time he reached a point in the woods that he recognized from earlier travels, his legs were jelly and his chest felt two sizes too small for his lungs. He forced himself past the feeling, but had barely pressed on when he ran into someone in the dark. 

There was a high pitched squeak. 

He squinted down at Drea with a weary frown. “What the hel--heck are you doing out here? You’re going to get yourself hurt!”

She blinked up at him with dewy eyes that Jim desperately wished he were immune to. “You were gone for a really long time. I was scared that you wouldn’t come back, like mommy. I went to find you, but then I got lost...” She sniffled and rubbed at her eyes.

Jim’s heart sank as he felt his resolve melt away into guilt--more to add to the growing pile. “I’m sorry to worry you kiddo. But you can’t do that again. Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay...I’m sorry…”

He took her small hand, which forced him to let go of one of T’mesu’s legs, staggering him briefly. 

“Who is that?” Drea asked. “Is she gonna be okay?”

Jim gave her a sad smile. “She’s a friend and she’ll be fine.”  _ I hope _ . 

Emmett was waiting for them when they got back to the cave. He did not seem to see Jim at first, focusing in on his cousin with relieved anger. “ _ Drea Marie Eames, where have you been _ ?!” 

Drea burst into tears and the brief amount tenseness seemed to bleed out of the older boy in an instant. He sighed and scooped her up. “I’m sorry Em,” she wailed. “I was lookin for Jimmy and when I found him he needed help coming back because he brought a person back.”

Emmett looked up from the six-year-old, noticing Jim for the first time. “Oh Jesus Jim, let me help you with her--just gimme one second.” He set his cousin down, who had quieted into almost silence, and looked her in the eye. “Don’t do that again young lady, I’d miss you too much.”

“‘Kay Em.”

“Now go get Tommy.”

With the little girl gone, Emmett rushed over to relieve the woman from Jim’s shoulders. The moment the weight was gone, Jim dropped into a sitting position right where he was, exhausted. Tom came outside and immediately joined Emmett in supporting T’mesu’s unconscious body. They brought her inside the cave and Jim watched them go, still breathing heavily. 

He had not realized he had fallen asleep where he sat until he woke, pressed between Heather and Emmett under the blanket. He was warm, more comfortable than he had been in weeks. He sat up slowly and slid out from under the cover without disturbing the other occupants. 

The only ones not asleep seemed to be Tommy, who was outside keeping watch, and T’susa. T’susa sat at the far end of the sleeping area, where T’mesu had been laid, one hand pressed to the woman’s face. Jim joined her. 

“Thank you.” T’susa’s voice was soft, trying not to be emotive but failing. Jim didn’t quite understand. 

“For what?”

She looked down at T’mesu, with something like grief in her eyes. “She is my aunt.”

Jim stared. T’mesu was her  _ aunt _ ? He stammered for a moment. “But, you said--that first day, you said you didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

T’susa nodded. “I did not lie. Neither of us could risk compromising the other. We remained content with the fact that we were both alive.” She looked like she was regretting that decision. 

“Well,” Jim said, still reeling a little from the revelation, but wishing he had any idea how to comfort her. “She’s here and she’s alive. She’ll be okay.”

“Will you?” T’susa asked. She had finally turned away from observing her aunt to stare up at him. 

He gave her a cheesy smile that tasted like plastic. “‘Course I will.”

Aside from T’mesu’s presence, Jim was content to pretend his last trip into town hadn’t happened at all. After all of the events that had taken place within the town, it was too much to deal with and he felt tainted beyond repair. It was getting harder to ignore the mountain of guilt that had burrowed its way into his skull--and as he was avoiding the obvious, the associated emotions took another outlet of shame to release themselves. 

Ever since Heather had become too sick to function, Jim had felt a horrible contrition. As she still failed to get better, he felt worse and worse about it. It was the middle of one night watch when he came to the realization as to why. Because it was  _ his fault _ , it  _ had  _ to be.    
  
It was, of course, Tommy who found him trying not to break down. “Jim,” Tommy said worriedly. Tommy wouldn’t be so comforting or concerned for him if he knew, Jim was certain.    
  
“It’s my fault Tom,” Jim whispered. He dropped his face into his hands. “It’s all my fault she’s sick.”   
  
“Jim, to be honest, she was sick before we got out here. You’ve done all you could to make her better.” Tom put a hand on his shoulder.   
  
Jimmy shook his head, turning his face up to stare at him. He didn’t even have it in him anymore to be pleased by the contact. “Back…” he started, and choked on the words. He swallowed and continued. “D’you remember back when you first told me about Heather?”   
  
Tom’s brow furrowed in confusion at what he obviously saw as a non sequitur. “Yeah Jim, I remember.”   
  
“........” he mumbled.   
  
“What?” Tom asked. “You were talking too quietly.”   
  
And it burst out of Jimmy, as quietly as he could, given that he wanted to shout. “I was jealous of her. She got to keep you and I didn’t, so I--I’d wished for something horrible to happen to her. But just for a second,” Jimmy said, begging for his friend to understand. “I took it back in the next second, but for that one moment…” He put his face back in his hands to hide his guilt. “I’m sorry.”   
  
“Jim,” Tom said softly. The hand that was still on his shoulder, moved to rub his back a little. “Jim, I’m not mad at you. I know you didn’t mean anything by it--we get jealous, it’s part of being human. And it still doesn’t mean it was your fault.”   
  
“It was,” Jim moaned, and some part of him at the back of his head was appalled at his lack of composure.    
  
“Jim, Heather’s been sick for years now. She came here for her health.” After a moment, Tom scoffed. “Fat lot of good it did her.” He sighed and pulled Jimmy into a one armed hug. “I told you before: you’re not a bad person.”

Jim hunched, but didn’t pull from the hug. “It was a pretty stupid thing to get upset about.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, we’re all strung up on worry and it shows itself in different ways.”

Finally pulling away, Jim grimaced. “Still…” He shook his head and didn’t complete the sentence. “So...are we going to talk about that other thing I let slip?” he muttered instead, after a moment. He twisted his hands nervously.    
  
“Only if you want to.”   
  
Jim didn’t know if he did. He didn’t want to hear his friend let him down easy. Or not easy, as he feared. “Please don’t stop being my friend,” he whispered.   
  
Tom’s eyes softened. “Of course I won’t stop being your friend.”   
  
“But, you don’t like me back,” Jim said, smiling weakly. “Not the way I do.”   
  
Tom was silent. He looked to be fight a silent battle with himself. Like he was trying to choose the option that would hurt Jim less.    
  
“Tom, it’s okay.” Jim shook his head, smile becoming bigger and only half faked. “I’m really, really okay with just staying friends.”

And, as he allowed himself to think about it fully for the first time in far over a month, Jim found that it was true. He had so little family, he wasn’t willing to potentially give up more because his feelings had gotten in the way. It was good to just get it off his chest. 

That didn’t mean he was anywhere close to okay. 

As the days wore on, each seeming slower than the last, Jim was having more trouble hiding just how  _ not okay  _ he was. He was constantly, with no visible reason why, reminded of what he had done to those two men. He couldn’t help but see them every time he closed his eyes, so he stopped sleeping. 

Instead, he spend the time he should have been in bed, sitting beside T’mesu’s body. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Jim confessed, about four days after he’d brought her back to the cave. T’mesu, as she was unconscious, did not respond. He continued to speak. “See, I want to regret it. I feel like a bad person for stooping to their level, even if it was an accident. I want to regret it, but I can’t, because you probably would’ve been  _ really  _ dead if I hadn’t...done what I did. But I feel worse for not regretting it and I  _ can’t stop thinking about it _ . It’s making me wanna  _ crawl outta my skin _ .”

“It might help if you had someone to help you,” someone said. For a moment, he thought it was T’mesu and he stared at her prone form. There was a weak chuckle and a clammy hand on his. He looked over at Heather, whose eyes were practically slits, but open. He moved away to sit closer to her. 

“How’re you feeling?” he asked her. It was the first time since he’d gotten back that she’d been responsive enough for conversation. He put a hand on her forehead and found it hot enough that it hurt his hand. 

“Better than you, I’d bet,” she said scratchily. She moved her hand to pat at his. 

“I’m fi--” He cut himself off, before he finished the word. Too often had he said those words; he wasn’t even sure he knew what they meant anymore. “Tom said that you’ve been sick for a while.”

She smiled at the awful topic change but indulged him. “I have a genetic disease, looks like a cold, acts like a cold, but it’s not a cold.” Her smile turned into a grimace. “It’s not dangerous to other people and...usually not to me either, but with everything going on…” Her illness-glazed eyes sharpened on him knowingly. “Don’t feel guilty about it, I’d be dead without your help.” 

Heather was smart. Jim nodded. “‘S what Tom said too.”

“You should let him help you,” she told him. 

“What?”

Her face was sad. “You’ve done everything to help all of us, but you won’t let anyone help you. You’re cracking under the pressure and it’s gonna kill you faster than my body will kill me.” She gripped his hand. “You don’t have super powers Jim. Let them share the weight.”

It was an impossible thing to ask of him. Swallowing down the immediate lie of agreement that was normal, his shut his eyes. “I dunno if I can do that. Feels like helping you guys is the only thing keeping me going.” It was a confession that felt like a secret. Her hand tightened around his. He swallowed. “But, I’ll do what I can, if you promise to get better.”

Heather smiled, a touch quirky. “I’ll do what I can.”

There was a rustling noise, and down the line of sleeping bodies, Kevin sat up, rubbing one eye sleepily. After a moment, he noticed that his sister was awake and wobbled drowsily over to them. He plopped down into Jim’s lap with the ease of a child who had grown close to a newly gained sibling. 

“You’ve been sleeping a lot,” Kevin observed. He sounded sad, and Jim had a feeling he knew more about what was wrong with his sister than what she had told the boy. 

“I know kiddo,” Heather said. “I’m trying to get better, I promise.”

“Okay,” he said, but in a resigned sort of way that meant he’d been promised this many times. “Goodnight Heather.”

“Goodnight sweetheart.” Heather was beginning to blink blearily, and within a couple more seconds she was asleep. Jim got to his feet, bringing Kevin up with him to rest on his hip. Even with Jim’s own weakened state, the child was light as a feather. Kevin laid his head into the hollow of the older boy’s neck.

“Jimmy, I’m hungry,” he whispered. There was an aching in Jim’s heart at the words. 

“I know kid,” Jim said and looked down at the boy’s face. Kevin had fallen back asleep. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time...Jim runs out of what little luck he still has.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things end on a bit of a cliff-hanger, because the author is evil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry in advance. I promise I didn't plan for this chapter to land on a Thursday. It just, sort of...happened.
> 
> Also, bringing back a character you might or might not remember from earlier in the story.

Jim was surrounded. There was no way he was getting out of this one, not again. With a sigh of defeat, he sat on the ground and awaited his fate. 

“Jim, I’m not kidding, one of these days, you’re gonna get yourself killed.”

Emmett’s frustrated look was mirrored on Tommy and T’susa’s faces. They had cornered him together, finally. He’d been anticipating it since he arrived back with T’mesu, nearly a week before, now. 

He opened his mouth to reply, but Tommy spoke right on the tail-end of Emmett’s words. “You don’t seem to care if you live or die, if it’s for ‘a good enough reason’, and that  _ is not okay _ . Next time you need to get more food, you go with one of us, or not at all.”

“But--” Jim protested and Emmett fixed him with a steely look that silenced him.

Tommy continued to talk, frown still prominent on his face. “Not to mention, you  _ need  _ to eat more.  _ T’susa _ eats more than you do.”

Jim sent T’susa a vaguely betrayed look. She was unapologetic. “As I do not need to eat daily, the fact that you consume less than I became a concern. It became necessary to correct when you began to eat less than  _ Bek _ . As he is a Denobulan, who do not need to eat for many weeks at a time, this was, indeed...undesirable.”

“I eat.” Jim’s words sounded weak to his own ears. 

“Not enough,” Emmett said grimly. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Look, we get it. You want to make sure everyone gets fed. Well that’s what we want too.” 

Tom nodded in agreement. “But that doesn’t mean you can stop eating to fix that. So, either we eat as much as  _ you  _ do or you eat as much as the rest of us.” It was an ultimatum that they sounded completely serious about. He had no doubt that they’d see it through. 

It was not a compromise that Jim was happy to make, but he acquiesced to it--if with bad grace. He fell back into the routine he’d had before he’d acquired Emmett and company--he ate, not a lot, and pretended to eat more. All the food he didn’t end up eating was quietly shuffled onto the plates of Kevin and Drea, both of whom were now painfully thin in a way that scared Jim to death. 

It became very quickly clear that everyone else was ganging up on him when, after nearly a whole month of not speaking once, Bek sat down beside him one day during mealtime and said, in the clear blunt way that only young children can achieve, “You should eat more.”

And then he pushed half of his serving off onto Jim’s plate, nodded to himself and walked off to sit beside Drea. Jim stared after him for a long moment, dallying between the idea of giving the food back and just giving up. Bek seemed to guess what he was thinking, because he stared back at Jim evenly. Eventually, he sighed grumpily and began to eat. And when he was treated, for the first time, to the traditional smile of a Denobulan, made doubly adorable by being from the little boy, Jim thought that relenting this small amount was worth it. 

Jim was surprised and somewhat elated when the food, even with the added amount that he himself ate, lasted longer than a week, and then two weeks. But as the food began to ebb away as they entered the third week of the spoils of his last run into town, and the sixth week the group had spent in cohabitation, Jim knew that he would again have to make the journey into town to gather more food. 

Part of him wondered why he should bother trying. Over a month had passed, and there was no sign of rescue coming. From what he had seen, all of the citizens were just as low on food as they were. It wouldn’t be long until there wasn’t food to be found anywhere. Jim was just delaying the inevitable. 

But this thought felt uncomfortably close to the philosophy that Kodos’ had professed, and the reason he had killed so many people in the first place. So he refused to dwell anymore on thoughts of giving up. 

The thought of Kodos gave him pause though. Of all the people most likely to have more food than the commonfolk of Tarsus IV, Kodos was in the number one spot. Jim knew the moment that he had the thought, that he would risk going into the evil man’s food storage--if it meant feeding his family. 

At dusk on the last day of the week, Jim once again slipped from the cave with the empty backpack. This time, however, Emmett was waiting for him. He couldn’t even be surprised by this, though he had not told anyone that he’d be out scavenging. 

“Where are we headed?” Emmett asked, following after Jim as he began to walk. 

“The governor’s mansion,” Jim said, and his tone was bleak. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Emmett groaned. “The hell I don’t.” He shook his head. “You reckless little brat, if you’re going there, then I  _ gotta _ to protect your hide.”

“It’s gonna be dangerous.”

The older boy didn’t deign the words with a reply. 

The travel through the town seemed easier than the last time. Jim supposed though, that having snuck around the place as he had, he had a better feel of it. So any worry he might have had about the minimal amount of guards fell to the wayside. 

Every day that Jim had walked to work, he had seen the governor’s mansion. It had seemed so beautiful then, with red marble walls and arches. It had reminded him of pre-warp bank buildings. As he and Emmett made their way to the estate, the building that had once seemed so beautiful only reminded him of all the blood that had been spilled by the man who resided inside. 

The grounds were empty and silent. As they neared closer, they veered off from the main building towards a smaller one that rested to the side--where Jim suspected the food was being held. He pulled out the phaser he had taken in his last visit--setting still on stun--and motioned at Emmett.

“Stay behind me,” he told the older boy. “I think there’ll probably be at least one guard at the entrance. I’ll stun ‘em and then--”

“--I break in,” Emmett offered. At the surprised look Jim sent him, he smirked. “How d’you think I stole that car?”

Jim shrugged and agreed.

It played out exactly as they had planned it, which should have seemed odd but didn’t. The single guard on duty looked to be half asleep and didn’t even notice when he’d been stunned. Once Emmett had sprung the lock on the door, the two stepped inside and stuttered to a stop. 

There was  _ so much  _ food. 

Cans, sealed bags, and metal boxes of the stuff lined the walls. It was, perhaps, not enough to keep the entire town--how it had been before the killings had started--fed for several months, but it was enough for the time it would have taken to come up with a logical solution. 

“I--I don’t understand,” Emmett said, aghast. “If they had this much food then--Why? All those  _ people _ .”

Jim’s heart ached and he closed his eyes, caught between relief (his family would have  _ food _ ) and being distraught. “I’d bet this is from all the people he killed. They--they didn’t need it anymore, after all.”

The two boys stood in silence for a moment. Finally, Jim squeezed Emmett’s shoulder and moved past him, sliding the bag from his arm. “We can’t take too long here, someone is bound to come relieve the guy outside eventually.”

This brought Emmett into motion and he moved to help. For the first time, Jim allowed himself to be choosy about what he put in the bag, opting for the better food. It would be something like a treat for the kids, and Jim allowed himself to imagine their happiness--it was just enough to put the thought that this food had come from the hands of the dead out of his mind. 

When they were done, they slipped away, still somehow managing to avoid running into any other guard. For the first time, it was still dark outside when they arrived back at the cave that they had begun to call home. T’susa and Tommy were both waiting for them. 

“How’d it go?” Tommy asked. They went back inside and began to put the food away. He seemed surprised and pleased with the abundance of food that they had brought back. Jim was glad. 

“It was easier than usual,” Jim admitted, allowing a small smile to play upon his lips. “We only ever saw one guard, and he never saw us.”

T’susa crossed her arms. “Does that not seem to be a cause for concern? I had estimated a ninety-nine point nine eight three chance that you would run into conflict.”

Now that Jim thought on it, he began to worry. The lack of danger had made him more reckless than usual. He knew that he and Emmett had strayed from the shadows more than once. He just hoped the worry was unfounded...

Emmett shrugged. “Even a Vulcan can be wrong once in a while,” he said. “I think we just got lucky.”

Tommy’s face suddenly went blank in shock and fear, staring at something over the other’s shoulder. The bag that had been in his hands fell to the floor, and the phaser clattered out of it. Jim felt something press into his back. 

“One of us got lucky, but it ain’t you.”

The familiar voice that Jim had heard only a scant few times sent a shiver of hatred and betrayal down his spine. “Pegg,” Jim muttered. 

The guard laughed. It was an ugly wheezy sound that made Jim want to turn around and punch the man. “Your sneaking could use some work, kid.”

There was a second voice, a woman that Jim didn’t recognize. “All of you are coming with us.”

“And if we refuse?” Emmett said, his voice hard as steel. 

The woman’s voice was smug. “Then we start shooting the little ones, starting with the baby, until you have a change of heart.”

Whatever fight had been building up inside Jim receded in an instant. He hung his head, feeling utter defeat and helplessness course through his veins. “We’ll come with you,” he said. 

The guards didn’t allow them to gather anything but the children. As the woman--who was tall, severe, but distinguishingly human--approached the corner of the sleeping area where Heather and T’mesu both lay, Tommy spoke up. “The woman died in the night, we hadn’t had the chance to bury her.”

The female guard knelt down to check where a human pulse would be, and, apparently not familiar with Vulcan physiology, came to the same conclusion. She got to her feet and looked at Heather, who also lay still, her breathing stuttery in sleep. The woman kicked at her feet, but she didn’t stir. She looked back at Tommy. “What’s wrong with her?”

Tommy apparently thought very fast on the fly. “She has what the lady had,” he said, looking deathly serious. “She...doesn’t have very long. It’s been about a week since she woke up.”

This was a lie, but a very good one. If the situation had not been so dire, Jim might have applauded him. As it was, Jim tried to look as if it were not news to him, bowing his head solemnly. Emmett and T’susa followed suit. 

The woman scoffed meanly. “That just means one less brat to keep track of.” She looked to Officer Pegg. “We’ll leave this one here.” Pegg nodded. 

They herded the children from the cave. Drea and Kevin both confused and half asleep, being carried by Emmett and Tommy respectively. T’susa, who had not been allowed to put together the sling, carried her brother rather awkwardly on her hip. Jim was up at the front, by Pegg, whose phaser was trained on him. 

“So where--where are we going?” Jim asked the man, going for mock conversational and not quite reaching it. Pegg smirked when Jim’s voice wavered. 

“Kodos would like a personal chat with children who have managed to avoid him for so long.”

Something far past fear clawed at Jim’s heart. In the time since the man had began his reign of terror, he had never once appeared in person. He had only ever appeared on video and had never even shown his face to the people he had publicly killed. Jim didn’t know what it meant that he and the others had warranted a true visit from the man.   
  
He didn’t know how he was going to get out of this one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much can one author put on their characters you ask? Next chapter, we'll find out.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our kids are the guests of honor, some things are destined to happen no matter the timeline, and things escalate and deescalate quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem...so. This chapter was originally planned back when this story was mostly just an idea. Back before I even had a solid idea of who my main cast was going to be, I knew that eventually Jim and his cohorts would be confronted with the evil man himself. Originally though, this was going to be a much darker chapter--it's still not a trip to the park, obviously. I just...well, I hope you like it!

“Ah, my guests of honor.” Kodos’ voice, syrupy and lyrical, was the last sound that Jim had wanted to ever hear again. He would take a thousand beat downs from Frank, rather than face this man--rather than force his kids, his  _ family  _ to face him. 

Still, Jim managed to force his face to blankness. 

Kodos did not look like a man in a government position. In point of fact, he looked like an artist, with his weirdly twirled up mustache and greased back hair. This of course, made him imagine the man considering his current work as a piece of art, and he had to swallow the urge to be sick. 

The man had been standing outside his home, a genial smile on his face, waiting for them to arrive. When they stopped in front of him he gave a theatrical bow to them, like they were indeed the guests of honor at a twisted mockery of a party. He looked to the guards, his face falling into seriousness. “And this is all of them?”

The two adults fidgeted minutely, but the woman ultimately spoke within a few seconds. “The two others are as good as dead.”

Kodos nodded, apparently satisfied with this, and smiled again at the children. “Well, do come in, I have something special planned for all of you!”

The kids shuffled in and began following the man down the hallway. As Kodos walked, his arms behind his back, he spoke back to the children. “So, which one of you is the leader of this little rag-tag gang of yours?”

“I am, sir,” Jim said quickly, seeing Emmett open his mouth to apparently take responsibility as the oldest. The older boy gave him a worried glare. Jim could only return the look with one of helplessness.

Kodos hummed and looked at him consideringly in a way that made all the hairs on Jim’s body stand on end. Before he could speak however, he stopped in front of a double-doored room. “Well, time to begin the event.” He pushed the doors open and Jim’s heart lodged itself into his throat. 

There were over a hundred people in the large room. All of them stood in a huddle, guards on all corners of the room training their guns on them. And Jim knew with certainty that they had been brought here for slaughter. And Kodos had wanted to make a spectacle of it. 

Jim and the other children had come to a standstill in the doorway at the shock, but Officer Pegg pushed Jim forward harshly with the muzzle of his gun. They stumbled into the room and came to a stop in front of Kodos, who had sat down in a chair that looked like a gilded throne. 

“You have managed to avoid me for a month,” he said finally. “That is quite a feat.”

Jim said nothing. Kodos didn’t seem perturbed by this. Instead he smiled a too wide smile that displayed all of his teeth. “James Tiberius Kirk...You seem to be quite resourceful. Although I never caught you in the act, I have heard of your exploits.” He steepled his fingers together and observed Jim’s still blank face. “I must admit to being quite impressed by you.” His eyes were sharp and cold, which clashed with his seemingly warm, open expression. 

Jim sweated from the effort of not shaking in fear. He still didn’t speak. The rest of the room was silent enough that any sort of noise other than Kodos’ voice would likely have startled them all. 

“All this for the little family you have gathered.” The smile turned cruel. “You have stolen for them,  _ murdered _ for them.” Jim felt one of the kids behind him jolt in shock, though he couldn’t tell which. “I do wonder just what else you would do for them?”  

Jim closed his eyes against the tears building inside of them. He was tired; his resolve was gone. He was done. “What do you want me to do?”

“Jim, no--” Tommy’s voice broke off with the sound of someone being hit. 

“Shut up,” the woman guard said. 

“In exchange for the lives of these children,” Kodos said, and when Jim opened his eyes the man’s expression was near delighted. Jim had never felt so sick in his life. “You must kill every single one of the people standing over there.” He was pointing towards the large group of innocent citizens, most of whom were weeping silently. 

Jim was silent for a long time. He found himself seriously considering the proposal. He would have gladly sacrificed himself for their lives, but to sacrifice someone  _ else's _ ? His heart was fighting with itself. The urge to protect his family against the urge to be a  _ good person _ . He...he didn’t know what to do.

_ Dad, what would you do? _ He wondered desperately. But there was no answer from the man he had never known. Whatever choice his father would have made, Jim would have to make his own. 

Kodos had gotten to his feet and was standing over him expectantly. Jim took a deep breath, feeling like he had no choice in the matter. But as he opened his mouth to agree to the terms, a small hand grabbed his in a deathgrip and his mind was  _ flooded  _ with a foreign presence. 

He knew without looking that it was T’susa. Her emotions pushed at him,  _ spoke  _ to him as clearly as if she had spoken aloud. 

_ He is deceitful. He will have you do this, he will  _ break  _ you, and then he will likely kill us anyway. Please Jim, do not do this. There is another way, there is always another way _ .

Jim tightened his hand over T’susa’s and looked at Kodos, his head held up high. The man’s expectant expression had faded into an impatient one. “ _ Well _ ?” he asked. 

“Sorry governor, ‘fraid I gotta decline,” Jim said, pouring as much confidence into his voice as possible, drawing comfort from T’susa’s hand in his. 

Kodos’ expression soured into something nasty. “ _ You dare--? _ ”

As Jim felt Tommy’s hand slip into his free one, he spoke with acidity. “You got the wrong guy, so  _ fuck off _ .” And then, for good measure--because if he was going to die, he might as well--he spat in Kodos’ face. 

The man bellowed in rage and smacked Jim across the face. Jim fell to the floor, slipping from his friends hands. Being severed from the brief connection of T’susa’s mind was like being dumped in a frozen over lake. “You will regret this choice.” Kodos pushed past them towards the large group, pulling out a phaser. 

“No!” Jim yelled, but the man didn’t acknowledge him. Above him, Emmett pulled Drea, Kevin, and Bek’s faces into his torso to hide them from what was about to happen. But there would be no hiding them from the screams. Just as he had the last two times, Jim was forced to watch as multitudes of people were gunned down. There was the sound of a dry sob, and it took him a second to realize that it was his own. 

After what seemed like forever, all of the citizens were dead. It was over then, wasn’t it? He would come for Jim’s family next. 

But he didn’t. Faster than any of them could blink, the man spun around, shooting each guard in turn. None of them had time to raise their own weapons in defense. Jim watched in absolute shock as the men and women fell. Then there was a blood curdling scream. But it wasn’t Officer Pegg, who was the last to have been felled, with shock still in his eyes. The shot had burned through the man completely, and gone on to hit--to hit--

Tommy was on the floor, his hands over his burnt face,  _ screaming  _ in absolute agony. When Jim made to go towards him--there had to be  _ something _ he could do--he was stopped by Kodos training his gun on T’susa-- _ no,  _ on Sojann.

“Stop,” Jim screamed. “Please, just stop,  _ I’ll do anything _ .”

The gun didn’t lower. Kodos did not even look at him. He was past the point of negotiation. He was going to kill Sojann-- _ Sojann _ , who had not even spoke aloud yet. He would kill the baby, and then he would kill the rest of them. 

Except--

Laser fire shot past them, grazing Kodos’ shoulder. They all turned to look towards the doors as one. Jim felt his jaw fall open. 

_ T’mesu _ stood there. She was clammy, and wavering where she stood, but her face was filled with determination as she pointed what looked to be  _ Jim’s  _ phaser at the governor. 

“You are relieved from your duties Governor, they are no longer of use,” she said coldly. “Now step away from the children, and I may just let you live.”

Kodos  _ bolted _ . 

The man ran from the room, escaping through a side door. T’mesu made as if to go after him, but her gaze fell on Tom’s curled up form. She nearly ran to his side and dropped down beside him. She ripped a piece of her skirt off and immediately wrapped it around the burnt side of the whimpering boy’s head. She ran a hand over his forehead and Tommy suddenly fell into unconsciousness. 

“It will all be okay now,” she told them, standing up with Tom cradled in her arms. Her eyes were soft, sad. “But we must come away from this place.”

She led the children, most of them weeping copiously, out of the house and onto the courtyard. And Jim understood. 

“It’s a  _ starship _ ,” he said in disbelief. The massive ship was just visible, but it was there and his family was  _ alive _ . 

“They received our transmission,” T’mesu told them. “They are here to take us home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that ends Jim's stint on Tarsus. Now comes the real hard part--recovery. And also, tying up as many of my loose ends as possible. We've still got a couple more chapters (and a super short epilogue) to get through before things come to an end.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angstangstangst
> 
> Also, Jim tells stories to the youngin's. Because reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the stories that are referenced. Except in paperback copies.

The  _ USS Enterprise  _ was vast and sleek and probably the most beautiful ship Jim had ever seen. The crew were very kind, very dedicated people. What little he’d seen of its long halls and rooms were the most advanced he’d ever seen (not that he’d seen that many).

And he hated it with every iota of his being. 

One month and two weeks. It had taken the ship one month and two weeks to reach Tarsus IV. By the time they had reached the planet, they had barely  _ half  _ of the residence left. Nearly four thousand people, dead. 

To quote an ancient saying, they were a day late, and a dollar short. 

It was useless to be mad at the people who had rescued them, he knew. But it was just as useless to be mad at a dead man. Kodos had gone where none of Jim’s hatred could reach him. 

Not long after T’mesu had led them outside of the man’s house, it had gone up into flames. When the shell of the house was checked later, Kodos’ remains had been found. He was gone.*

So, a lot of Jim’s unresolved rage had gone on unreleased. Thus, the  _ Enterprise _ . It had become his undeserved target in which to take his feeling out on. 

But it didn’t really take long for his anger to dissolve, not really. 

When the ship had arrived, Jim and his company were just being led into the house. Not long after, the first landing party had encountered T’mesu, who was making her way towards where she knew the children would be (she had not yet told Jim exactly how she had known, but he could guess). Instead of having them come with her, she had had them retrieve Heather. 

Heather was getting better now. 

All of them, really, were getting better. Not just the ten of them, but the rest of the surviving citizens. But it would take a long time before any one of them got completely better--maybe never, for some of them. 

Tom was one of Jim’s biggest worries. He had been in a medically induced coma since of the moment he’d arrived on the ship. His face was disfigured beyond the help of even a dermal regenerator. And, since he had not yet been woken up, no one knew if he had permanent brain damage or not.

Jim didn’t really know much more than that. He could have, he was sure. He might’ve been able to ask the medical officer who was attending over him in the sickbay. He could have asked any of the numerous officers that came through to check on them and ask questions. 

He could have, but he didn’t. 

Jim had not spoken much to any of the officers as of yet. If they had questions that he felt compelled to answer--such as anything related to the wellbeing of the other children--he answered in short monosyllabic answers. He knew they were getting fed up with him about this, but he couldn’t find it within him to trust any of them. Nor did he particularly want to. He could just barely count on two hands the adults that he had ever trusted. Over half of those had inevitably betrayed him in some way. He wasn’t going to give the crew on the  _ Enterprise  _ that chance. 

The only time Jim felt any semblance of normality was around the other kids. Drea, who--along with Kevin--was one of the most welloff of all of the humans healthwise (a fact that Jim was most pleased with, thank you very much), had taken to sitting with him whenever they were both awake. She seemed determined to make him happy, though Jim could tell that she herself was significantly scarred by the event. 

The way she liked to comfort him varied, from telling him about her day (“Ms. Doctor April showed me how to see my bones today, it was real neat. I think I wanna be a doctor too someday…”), to drawing him mountains of colorful pictures to decorate the walls that surrounded Jim’s bed, to telling him just what she wanted to do when she got back to Terra (“First, I’m gonna have a  _ big  _ bowl of ice cream-- _ no _ , first I’m gonna go see Aunt Sarah and Gramma, and  _ then  _ have ice-cream.”). 

But the oddest one, and also the one that worked the best, was begging stories out of him. 

It had started with him retelling what he remembered of a book he had read the year before--a prewarp book about mythology that Drea had found absolutely fascinating. The next time, she had brought along Bek and Kevin, and he had retold  _ Harry Potter  _ to the best of his abilities.  _ Then  _ she began to bring along the other children survivors who had not been among their little group. He retold stories of  _ Sherlock Holmes _ , and  _ The Book Thief,  _ and  _ Inkheart,  _ and _ Narnia _ . By the time he retold the entirety of the  _ Lord of the Rings _ , he had gained an audience of what seemed like all of the minors on the ship (and a few of the adults, although they didn’t call attention to themselves).

It felt like an escape, to remember these stories and to fall into them with bright eyes taking him in. He could forget that his stomach was distended from lack of food. He could forget that he had killed people. He could forget that he had watched hundreds of people die. All that existed in the midst of his words were these people, and the story. 

So when Drea had crawled into his bed one night, three weeks into their journey, with red rimmed eyes and a haunted expression, Jim began to tell another story. It wasn’t like the other stories he had told, most of which were well known, despite their ages. This story had been largely forgotten, but it was still Jim’s favorite. When he’d been little, it had been something of a fantasy. And although now it hit very close to home, it felt appropriate. 

“ _ One warm night _ ,” he began in a whisper, “ _ four children stood in front of a bakery. No one knew them. No one knew where they had come from. _ ”

So Jim told the story of the Boxcar Children, all the while Drea listened intently, her eyes wide with wonder. “It’s like us,” she said, her face blooming into a smile. “Except they had a boxcar instead of a cave.” She looked sad for a moment. “I miss our cave.”

“Do you?” Jim said. Drea nodded. Jim thought for a moment. “Well, maybe your Aunt and Grandma will make one for you in your backyard, like the children’s Grandfather brought their boxcar to his backyard.” Drea seemed very pleased with the idea, and went to sleep soon after. 

It was a sad thing, that Jim found himself missing the cave as well. Even with the daily hardships they had faced, it had felt more like home than his own house had for years. Although he did not regret getting away from Tarsus IV as a whole, a small part of him would miss that part of it. Jim didn’t know what kind of home he was going to come back to, but it would be nothing like what their little family had created. 

It was with great coincidence that the next morning, one of the crewmembers recognized Jim as the younger son of Winona Kirk. Thankfully, the woman was a respectful lady and hadn’t found it important to inform the other crewmembers just exactly who he was. The only reason she had brought this to his attention at all was because she wanted to ask him a question. 

“Do you want me to put you into contact with your mother?” she asked him. “I believe she’s been worried sick.”

A small part of Jim greatly doubted that, since she could barely stand to look him in the eye the last time he checked. She hadn’t even come back to Terra when he’d driven a car off a  _ cliff _ . However, even as he balked at the idea, another part of him  _ needed  _ to see her. He hadn’t seen her face in well over a year. So he agreed. 

Winona Kirk turned out to be absolutely  _ distraught _ . She burst into actual tears the moment they reached each other on video call. “You’re  _ alive _ ,” she said. The stark relief in her words made Jim want to cry as well--made him want to sit and bawl like a two year old. But Jim hadn’t shed a tear in weeks. He had managed not to cry during the last confrontation with Kodos, and he wasn’t going to cry because his mother was happy to see him. He knew if he started to cry, he might never stop. 

So he managed to smile at her instead, though it was more than a little faked. “Yeah mom, I’m okay. Are you okay?”

“I won’t be okay until I know for certain that you’re real.” Even through her tears, Winona’s sudden look of determination was enough to make him remember why she was a respected member of starfleet. “Does the Enterprise have enough doctors?”

Jim shrugged. “I dunno, probably not. There’s a lot of people here.” He gave her an uncomfortable look. “Why?”

“I’m going to contact the  _ Enterprise _ and offer my ship’s medical services.”

Jim wasn’t sure that that would work. As far as he had seen of starfleet, they didn’t seem real big on anything but regulation. Putting a ship off course because of the whims of one of their officers did not seem regulation. 

So he was somewhat surprised when, barely a week later, the  _ Enterprise  _ welcomed aboard Winona and her large team of medical officers. All of them were put to work immediately, so Jim didn’t have a moment alone with his mother until the late evening, when Jim was in the midst of telling Drea, Bek, Kevin, and (to his mild surprise) T’susa the story of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. T’susa had pronounced the whole thing highly illogical, but Jim could tell that she enjoyed it just as much as the other children had. 

Winona didn’t interrupt him or approach him until the children went back to their own beds. Her eyes were distantly sad, but became clear when she sat next to him and pulled him into a silent hug. Jim stiffened in the embrace for a moment--it had been a long time since someone bigger than him had hugged him--but he relaxed into it and allowed himself to feel for just a little while. 

“I missed you,” he confessed into her shoulder. Her arms tightened almost painfully around his frail body, but Jim welcomed it. 

“Missed you too baby.” She stroked at his hair. It had grown long in all those weeks, and he had yet to cut it. So it rested past the bottom of his neck, and that was where she left her hand.

His eyes burned, but he still didn’t cry. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *My poor sweet summer child.  
> Starship flight takes as long as the plot says it needs to. So expect a few (two?) chapters aboard the Enterprise.  
> The unnamed crew member who recognized Jim as his mother's son is unnamed for a reason--mainly that there's a story I want to write in connection to her. Though the jury's out on whether it'll happen or not. You can probably guess who it is though.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two more weeks, they arrive back on Earth--where someone has been waiting for Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst and more fluff.

They were two weeks out from Terra when Tommy woke up. His healing had been progressing nicely, according to the doctors, but Jim wanted to be sure. He was sitting by the older boy’s bed when his eyes--no, his....his eye began to blink open. The bandage that covered the now uneven side of his head was jarring to look at, so Jim was careful to look at the left side of his handsome unmarred face.

“Tom,” Jim said, careful to be quiet. “How are you feeling?”

Tom groaned. “Jimmy? What happened? What are you doing here?”

Jim tried not be alarmed. “You were...you were hit in the head Tom,” he said, uncertain how much he should tell him. 

“At school?”

Jim swallowed back his panic. The doctors had mentioned that there might be memory loss, temporary or otherwise. He only hoped it was the former and not the latter. He tried for a smile. “Something like that,” he lied. “You’re...missing a few memories--”  _ over a month’s worth _ . “--so I bet things are a bit confusing right now.”

Tom nodded weakly then groaned. “Hurts.”

Against his will, hysteria was blooming in Jim’s chest. “I know Tom, I’m sorry. I’ll...I’ll go get the doctor.” He got to his feet but Tom caught his arm. 

“...Heather?”

Jim breathed through his nose. “Heather’s alright, but she’s a bit sick. I’ll tell her you wanna see her.” Tom let go of his hand and Jim escaped like a coward. 

As he spoke to the lead doctor, trying and failing not to look like he was freaking out, she gave him a look of sympathy. It made him want to scream, but he managed to contain himself until he left the room. The moment he found himself alone he collapsed against a wall. He sobbed, but it came out dry. It was like he had forgotten how to cry tears. Still, he curled into himself and shook with grief.  

Emmett found him like this nearly ten minutes later. The older boy sat down beside him and Jim found himself leaning into him, still shaking. The boy hugged him tightly, his face pressed into Jim’s hair. It took a moment for Jim to notice that his hair was becoming damp with Emmett’s tears, but he found that he didn’t much mind. The older boy would cry enough for the both of them, since Jim couldn’t. 

They didn’t speak. They simply sat there until Jim had calmed. Then they got to their feet and went separate ways. Jim thought that perhaps Emmett was going to go see Tom himself--though Tom would likely not recognize him. 

Jim found himself making his way to T’mesu’s quarters. He had been going to her more and more the closer they got to Terra. He knew she would be going back to Vulcan, as much as he secretly wished she would stay with him. She felt more like a mother to him than Winona had in a very long time. He hadn’t told the Vulcan this, but he got the feeling she knew, if the soft look in her eyes every time he appeared were any indication. 

T’mesu was still not quite healed from being shot. She had woken prematurely from her healing coma, so she had been confined to her bed for the duration of the trip. She was taking it as gracefully as any Vulcan would. 

Jim pressed the doorbuzzer and the doors immediately slid open. T’mesu was sitting up on her bed with a PADD in hand when he entered, but she looked up and smiled with her eyes at him. She set down the pad and motioned towards the chair next to her bed. 

“Jim, please sit down.”

Jim sat. “Tom’s awake,” he said. His voice was slightly scratchy from his earlier grief, but T’mesu, thankfully, did not call him out on it. 

T’mesu tilted her head. “This is an auspicious situation, is it not?”

Jim shrugged. “I mean yeah, I’m glad he’s awake and I’m glad he’s not hurt worse than he is, but--” He looked at her. “--he doesn’t remember any of that month.”

T’mesu nodded gravely. “I see.”

Jim continued to speak. “And I don’t know whether I’m more worried about him remembering or not.”

“It will happen or it will not happen Jim,” she said gently. “It is illogical to dwell on that which you cannot change.”

“But I can’t help it,” Jim said, reaching up to pull on his hair in frustration. “Everything is happening too fast to handle--We reach Terra in two weeks and I--” He tugged harder on his hair and stopped talking. 

“Jim.”

“Everyone else has places to go,” Jim said. “Everyone but Tom and me...Drea and Emmett have Emmett’s mom...Heather and Kevin have an older sister in California...Bek still has, like, a million family members...and T’susa has...you…”

“Your mother--”

Jim shook his head roughly, letting go of his hair to get up and turn away from her. “Mom will probably stick around until I’m better, and then thing’s’ll go back to how they were before. One month out of the year, I’ll see her. And Tom...” He wanted to kick something,  _ throw  _ something maybe, but he didn’t. “We’re the only family Tom’s got now, and I  _ know  _ that means he’ll be put into a system somewhere and forgotten about. And now that he might not even  _ know why _ \--it’s not fair!”

“Jim please look at me.” T’mesu’s voice was gentle and Jim felt compelled to do as she said. “Tom will not be forgotten about--neither one of you will be forgotten about.”

_ You say that now,  _ he thought somewhat viciously.  _ But you’re just like everyone else. You pretend to care and then you leave!  _ Jim felt like his throat was closing with the urge to cry again. “Then why are you leaving? Why does everyone  _ always  _ leave?” Jim hadn’t meant to speak, but he managed to stare indirectly at T’mesu anyhow. 

T’mesu looked like she would cry if that were physically possible of her. “If I were allowed to bring you with me--all of you--I would. You must believe me.”

They were empty words. But somehow, he found just a small amount of comfort in them. They were what he held onto as they grew closer to Terra. 

Half a week out from Terran soil, Tom remembered everything. 

Jim had just been closing his eyes for what would inevitably be a fitful, if silent, dream. However, just as he did so, he heard a blood freezing scream that he had already heard once before--and once had been too many. He sprang out of his bed, making for Tom. When he reached him, the boy was thrashing, fighting against the efforts of one of junior doctors to hold him down. 

“Let go of him,” Jim snarled. “It’s not helping, you’re just making it worse.”

He pushed the person roughly out of the way and placed a far more gentle hand on Tom’s shoulder. The boy’s eye managed to turn towards him, and he relaxed minutely. Then said eye filled with tears at an extreme rate. “ _ Jim _ .” The word was a sob and Jim felt his heart shatter at the sound. “Jim, I can’t see outta my eye. Jim-- _ Kodos _ , he, they--” Then Tom became too overwhelmed to speak. Jim pulled him into a full bodied hug and Tom clutched to him. 

“I’m so sorry Tom,” he murmured to the older boy. He turned his head towards the doctor, who was still standing there, dumbfounded. “Make yourself useful and go get Heather. She’s well enough for this.”

After a couple seconds of confused blinking the adult left them. It was just as well, for Tom had begun to cling onto him. Jim was not able to detach from Tom until Heather arrived. She was still slow-moving, but Jim had not been exaggerating to the doctor when he’d said she was well. She took in the scene with sad eyes. 

“Tom,” she murmured. Tom turned his to look at her through his one eye. It was red rimmed. 

“Heather.” Tom finally let go of Jim and he stepped out the way. As she passed him, Heather gave him a painfully grateful look. He returned it with a grimace. With Tom now occupied with his girlfriend, Jim slipped from the room. 

He found himself roaming the halls of the ship, avoiding any of the night-shift crew with an ease he should probably find disturbing. 

Where had that ease been when he’d been raiding Kodos? If he had done a better job, or, indeed, just waited a day later, maybe Tom wouldn’t have a injured head--maybe all those people would still be alive…

Jim shook his head. 

“Don’t dwell on that which I cannot change,” he murmured to himself, attempting to find comfort in T’mesu’s words. It didn’t help. 

By the time that the  _ Enterprise _ reached the starbase orbiting above Terra, Tom was well enough to move under his own power. He was still weak, and use of his left arm was limited, but when the little group left the ship he refused any help. He was, it seemed to Jim, ashamed by his own weakness.

T’mesu and T’susa, holding Sojann, followed the humans out onto the loading deck. Jim, now faced with being separated from them, found himself choking up quite a bit. But he put on a brave face. 

He looked up at T’mesu. “Sure I can’t come along?” he joked weakly. 

“I am sorry Jim,” she said solemnly.

Jim shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” He bit his lip. “Can I...can I have a hug? I know you guys don’t do the whole physical contact thing, but--”

He was enveloped in a warm hug and he immediately melted into it. For the first time since he had hugged his mother, he felt tears prick at his eyes, but he blinked them away. Even still, the gaping sorrow he felt at being left behind-- _ again _ , a small part of him whispered--was nearly overwhelming. T’mesu’s hold tightened for a long moment before she released him. “This is not goodbye Jim. I will see you again,” she said. She held up her hand in a  _ ta’al _ that Jim echoed. “Live long and prosper.”

“Live long and prosper.”

T’mesu moved away from him to say goodbye to the other children, leaving Jim alone with T’susa and her brother. 

“You’ll…you’ll keep in contact, yeah?” Jim asked. T’susa inclined her head. 

“Indeed, that would be most--” T’susa broke off for a fraction of a moment and then continued to speak as though nothing had happened. “-most logical. You are my ally, after all.”

Jim grinned sadly. “Yeah T’susa, you’re my friend too.”  _ Family _ . He looked to Sojann, who observed him with serious eyes. 

“You take care of your sister, alright?”

The baby tilted his head and then gave him the smallest of smiles. Jim chose to take that as agreement. “I’ll miss you guys,” he said, holding up a  _ ta’al _ again. T’susa repeated the gesture, though she did not speak again. She didn’t seem to know how to answer without revealing the state of her emotions. Jim saved her the trouble and moved away to speak with the humans. 

Emmett caught Jim in an over the shoulder hug. “I’m gonna miss you Jim, you’re like the little brother I never wanted.” It was said in a joking manner, but the tightness of his arm around Jim revealed his seriousness.

“Me too Emmett,” Jim said. 

“If I don’t hear from you in a few days I’m gonna find where your hospital is at and I’ll break you out.”

Heather laughed softly, she and the other children moving closer to them. “I second that statement.”

Drea and Kevin echoed the sentiment and Tom nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he said, somewhat quietly. 

Jim grinned weakly at all of them. “Well, the same goes to all of you. Family looks out for each other, right?” It was the first time he had voiced what they had become, and he eyed them a little nervously. However they all agreed and Jim found himself engulfed in many hugs. Then everyone went their separate ways, their shuttles all taking them to different places. Jim spared a single worried glance in the direction of Tom’s shuttle before climbing onto his own shuttle, his mother right behind him. 

“They’ll be okay,” Winona said to him somewhat gently, though they were words said just to comfort him. She had no way of knowing that would be true. But Jim could hope that she was right. 

The shuttle ride down to the surface was silent. Jim already missed his other family like a physical ache. Just as he had missed Sam the entire length of his stay on Tarsus IV. 

When the shuttle landed and Jim stepped from it, he almost collapsed in shock. 

It was  _ Sam _ . Sam stood not far from where they had landed and he smiled wide when he saw Jim. His eyes were wet and devastated, but he looked so  _ relieved _ . He was here and he was here for  _ Jim _ . 

Jim finally broke. 

He couldn’t help but to finally start to cry in rivulets,  _ weeping _ really. And Sam practically ran over to him and scooped him up into a hug, cradling him like he did when they were young, like Jim was something  _ fragile _ . Jim couldn’t even find anything in him to protest being treated as such. 

After what seemed like forever, Sam set Jim down, keeping one arm around his shoulder, like he thought Jim might float away if he let go. He looked so guilty. “I’m so sorry Jim.”

“For what?”

Although Sam’s grip tightened, he didn’t answer. Instead, he gave a perfunctory nod towards their mother and began pulling Jim away from the shuttle. There was a vaguely familiar woman standing next a hovercar taxi, tall and calm, although her eyes too were sad. 

“Jim,” Sam said hesitatingly. “You remember Aurie, from my school?”

“Your girlfriend,” Jim said, nodding. Aurie smiled at him, and Jim couldn’t help but turn red. It seemed he was still unable to look her straight in the eye. 

“His wife now,” she said, eyes bright. 

Jim’s brain stuttered in confusion. He looked up at his brother. “ _ You got married _ ? Aren’t you--”

“--I’m still underage, yeah,” Sam agreed. “I’ll explain everything on the way to the hospital.”

When the four of them were all seated in the backseat, Jim still pressed to Sam, who was warm and real, and across from Aurie and Winona, Sam finally explained. 

“After I left, I got emancipated,” Sam said. Jim saw Winona flinch at the words, though she didn’t comment. 

Sam went on to explain that he and Aurie had ended up going to the same college. They had decided to get married, because it was easier for both of them to share expenses. “Though,” Sam said, “that wasn’t the entire reason.” 

“Because Sam’s still seventeen,” Aurie said. “And I’m nineteen, there are still certain things that I can do, legal wise, that he can’t.” There was something significant about the way she spoke of it that made Jim think there was something in particular that she was talking about, but she didn’t speak of it further. Sam too, remained quiet on the subject. 

It was a mystery he would have to think on later, Jim thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching full circle! Two more chapters, plus a super short, kind of crappy epilogue! Thanks for sticking with me for so long! The support has made all of this feel worth it, and I'm glad for it.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim spends some time in the hospital, has a chat with Starfleet, and Sam makes an offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one...

The area surrounding the Des Moines Mercy Medical Hospital was surrounded by people--reporters and news crews unfortunately included. Somehow, it had gotten out that one of the survivors of the Tarsus IV crisis would be staying there. Jim really, really did not want to interact with press of any kind. 

Sam pushed a hat over Jim head. “We’ll get inside through the back. The doctors won’t let anyone inside. No one will bother you.”

Jim pulled the hat on tighter.

Thankfully, none of the crowd seemed to notice the hovercar, or the slim boy who got out of it. The group was escorted inside the hospital by a nurse with sweet face and temperament. The other doctors he met were of a similar kindness, though Jim couldn’t tell if it was out of pity or if it was their natural state. 

His doctor was refreshingly blunt. He wasn’t mean by any of the stretch of the imagination, but neither was he tripping over himself to be overtly sympathetic. It made it easier for Jim to stand the clinical smell of his hospital room--and his new psychologist. 

The nurse had explained that all of the survivors were being assigned one. The psychologist's evaluation at the end of the month, along with his doctors, would determine what kind of further treatment he would need. It was, he supposed, logical. That didn’t mean he liked or agreed with it. 

Doctor Amber, his psychologist, was an nice enough man Jim supposed. He didn’t seem to mind much that Jim deflected his every attempt to speak about Tarsus IV. He never once tried to make Jim do anything he didn’t want to do. 

Jim still didn’t tell him anything about what had happened. 

The person he found himself speaking most to was Sam. Not about Tarsus, but just about everything else. Jim told him bits and piece about his little family (though he didn’t call them that aloud), and was pleased when Sam expressed interest in meeting them. 

Still, Jim didn’t tell him anything personal, because, more often than not, Winona sat in the room with them. 

She seemed worried to leave him alone. Like he might disappear if she wasn’t in his sight. If Jim found this hypocritical, he kept the thought to himself. 

There was one day when she left him and Sam to themselves, having to go sign things for the hospital. Sam seemed to take this as an opportunity to speak of what he wouldn’t have in front of her. 

“I’d been trying to gain custody,” he said. 

Jim looked at him. “Sam?”

That despairing look that Sam had had on the first day, but had been trying so hard to hide since then, was back on his face. “When I got emancipated, one of the first things I did was look for ways I could get custody of you.”

Jim’s breath caught and he choked. “Are you serious?” he croaked. 

“I didn’t wanna leave you behind with that asshole, but I couldn’t take you with me.” He put his head in his hand. “I had hoped I would have time to make a plea or  _ something _ ...but--”

“--the car,” Jim said, sighing. 

“Then you were lightyears away, and I couldn’t even try.” He shook his head roughly. “Nobody would even tell me where you were, so I was just left waiting.”

“Don’t blame yourself for what happened to me,” Jim said, reading the guilt on the older boy’s shaking back. 

“If I had  _ taken you with me _ ,” Sam growled. 

“Then we both wouldda gotten in trouble, and you might’ve ended up on Tarsus too,” Jim said. “Things worked out the way they worked out, so don’t think about what could have happened.”

Jim realized that this made him a hypocrite, just as much as his mother was, but he didn’t care to think about it. 

“We’re...we’re getting off track anyhow,” Sam murmured, looking back up with wet eyes. “I wanted to ask you...would you want me to? Get custody?”

Jim’s throat burned. “You would wanna do that? Even now, when I’m all screwed up?”

Sam looked like he wanted to protest Jim’s statement about himself, but held back. “I do, and Aurie is completely behind me too.” His face turned a little grim. “I don’t know how much longer mom’s gonna stick around.”

Jim nodded. He expected as much too. Once Winona got over her perceived guilt and grief over what had happened to her youngest son, he knew that she would take the first starship to get away. It was only a matter of when it would be. Still, though…

“Can I think about it?” he asked his brother. Sam nodded. 

“Whatever you need kiddo.”

Jim did think about it. He spent an evening, once his mother and brother had left, talking to Heather about the dilemma. He’d been talking to the other kids, as well as T’mesu, at least four times a week. It was a solace that he appreciated. 

“It’s not like it would be that different from when I was growing up,” he told her contemplatively. “But Sam didn’t get to make any of the big decisions when it came to me, not a lot of the time anyway. That always fell on Frank. So I still don’t really know what I would be getting into.” He put his chin in his palm and looked at her. “What’s it been like for you, so far?”

Heather thought for a while before she spoke. “It’s...different. I never got to see my sister a lot when I was growing up, so my situation isn’t the same, but she’s taking her responsibilities to me and Kevin pretty well. It’s not like having a parent, not really. But it’s also not a bad difference.”

Jim took this into consideration, but he also found himself going to other sources for advice as well. He, to both of their surprise, brought the subject up with Doctor Amber. 

“Well,” the doctor said. “It’s not abnormal in families where the parents cannot raise the child. It has pros and cons, just as every other decision does.”

It stayed on his mind, even as other situations took the forefront. 

People continued to try and get into the hospital to see the so-called Tarsus IV survivor. Thankfully, no one had let slip that it was him. He was very grateful for the tightlipped doctors. Unfortunately, it wasn’t only the press that was looking to meet with him. 

Starfleet, some of whom actually  _ did  _ know who he was, continued to send representatives to speak with him. He continued to send them back unfulfilled for three weeks before he got tired of them trying. He gave them a condition. 

“I’ll speak to one of you,” he told their newest messenger. “But only if they agree to a condition.”

“And what condition is that?”

“If I do this, you classify the  _ hell  _ out of this whole thing. I don’t want my name or the names of the people I was with mentioned  _ at all  _ in anything public. If you wanna speak to the other kids, well, that’s up to them. But no names or faces.”

It took a while to talk the group around to this. Eventually though, they agreed that only those already involved and those with a high enough clearance would be privy to the information. And then they sent down an officer to interview him. 

Jim had, after much silent deliberating with himself, asked Sam to remain in the room with him. He believed, and hoped, that Sam would not judge him for what he would learn. On the other hand, he had to ask his mother to not be there. He didn’t believe either one of them would be able to handle the situation well. Winona wasn’t happy about it, but she consented. 

The man that starfleet sent was kind, and somewhat familiar--though Jim could not think of where he’d seen him before. He forced no answers from Jim that Jim did not give willingly. And Jim spoke of his time on Tarsus IV, all the while clutching Sam’s hand like a lifeline. 

He didn’t tell them everything, of course. There were things that were too personal to mention, such as the weariness and despair he had felt during that month in hiding; his hunger turning into an ache that he ignored with so much ease that even now it scared him. He didn’t tell him about the man he had taken down with a brick, or the two men he had killed to protect T’mesu. He didn’t tell them how much the eight children had become a family to him that he loved as much as he loved Sam. 

Instead he spoke of how it had begun, with his sentence to the school. He spoke of his position at the science labs, and how he had been privy to the knowledge that things might begin to go wrong. He spoke of the assembly, and witnessing that first death sentence. He told them, word for word, Kodos’ speech. He spoke of fleeing into the pre-dawn morning, and the slow gathering of the other children. He spoke of the long month, and parts of his food gathering missions. He spoke of coming to the realization that the entire town was running out of food, and how he had felt he only had one option left. He spoke of being captured and brought before Kodos and those hundred-some people. And watching him kill them, and injure Tommy. 

He did not speak of Kodos’ offer. 

Jim ended with T’mesu’s timely rescue with the arrival of the starship  _ Enterprise _ . 

It was odd to listen to himself compress so much suffering into an interview of little more than an hour. It felt like a trivialization, a betrayal. But he kept the thought inside his head where it belonged, with all the other things he would never say to anyone. 

Jim turned to Sam when the man had left. “I think it would be a good idea, to go live with you and Aurie.”

Sam’s smile was a relief after such a difficult day. “I’ll tell Aurie then. We’ll wait to settle things with mom after you get out of the hospital.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a cruel, cruel person to make you wait over the weekend for the final chapter. But, since I'm going to post the epilogue with it, I think that's an okay compromise. 
> 
> redford caught it in the first chapter, but in case others haven't, I'm implying that the Starfleet officer is a young Chris Pike.


	17. Chapter Sixteen and Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we reach our conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, all things, good and bad, come to an end. My thanks are in the end notes. 
> 
> Oh, and, looking this over, there are technically two epilogues, one a few months after the end, and one post 2009 Star Trek. 
> 
> (Sorry if this chapter is crap ;-;) Also, sorry if Sam seems sort of mean towards Winona, he might be channeling my protective feelings of Jim. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with it!

Jim spent another two weeks under hospital supervision. It was a relief when he was allowed to finally leave and go back to Sam and Aurie’s place with them and his mom. He had had more than enough of hospitals--if he never stepped foot in one again it would be too soon. 

Sam and Aurie’s place was an apartment, not far from the local college that they were going to. It was, fortunately for Jim’s still somewhat weak body, on the first floor. Their home was comfortably small, the right size for two or three people. It was clean, excepting for the stacks of PADDs and books that were piled haphazardly around the front room. 

Aurie apologized for this. “We’d just finished finals for the year when we got the call about Jim. It usually looks much nicer than this, I swear.”

“It’s a great home,” Winona assured her. Aurie didn’t really smile at the woman, but she nodded her thanks. 

Jim actually liked the look of the place how it was. Frank’s house had never had books laying around. The man hadn’t particularly liked them. And in the months he’d spent on Tarsus IV, he’d seen only a few books, and none once they had begun living in the cave. 

“Sam and I have decided that for the time being, with the two of you staying here, it would be best if he and Jim shared one room, while you and I share the other, Winona. If that’s alright with you?” Aurie asked. 

Winona dithered a little. “I had actually been planning on heading back to my hotel.”

Sam frowned, displeased by the answer. “Work to catch up on?” The words were not quite frosty. 

“Well, yeah,” she said. “My CO’s been waiting for me to call him back since--well…” She trailed off, but Jim understood what she hadn’t said. He’d been waiting for her since she’d joined Jim on the  _ Enterprise _ . 

“Well,” Sam said, voice getting steelier by the minute. “Why don’t we sit down and talk first, before you leave  _ again _ .”

“I suppose that would be best.” Winona was clearly catching on that this conversation was not one she would enjoy. 

Jim exchanged a look with Aurie, before they sat down with the other two. Sam didn’t waste a second before he got to the point of the matter. 

“I want custody of Jim.”

Winona blinked, shock blooming on her face. “ _ Excuse me _ ?”

“You are never here,” Sam said, voice still hard. “And since you  _ finally  _ divorced that abusive ratfaced excuse for a stepfather, where is Jim supposed to go when you ditch him to go gallivanting through space?”

“Sam, that’s not fair,” Winona protested, though she did not outright disagree with him. 

The not-quite argument was making Jim sick to his stomach. He gave a desperate look to Aurie, who rose to her feet. 

“Jim and I are gonna go out for a bite to eat,” she said, faux brightly. “We’ll be back in about an hour--” She shot a dark look at her husband. “-- _ fix this before then _ ,” she hissed at him. 

She and Jim left just before the other two exploded at each other. Even outside, the sounds of the argument could be heard clear as day. 

“ _ \--he is  _ my  _ son, you can’t just expect me to--” _

_ “-- _ I _ was the one who raised him--” _

Aurie ignored it with ease and looked to Jim. “So, how do you feel about some ice cream?”

It had been almost a year since Jim had had ice cream.  _ Technically _ , he was supposed to stay on a strict diet until his body was completely back to normal, eating-wise. Jim hadn’t been planning on sticking to it religiously. He gave her a grin. “I think I’m gonna like you.”

They sat outside an ice cream parlor a few blocks from the apartment and Jim got to know his brother’s wife. She was crazy smart, and was training to be a teacher. She liked classical music, like he did, and classic books. 

They talked for a long time before Aurie turned the conversation towards him. “Sam says you have a genius IQ,” she said, scraping at the remnants of ice cream at the bottom of her bowl. 

“Sure, I guess,” Jim said, shrugging uncomfortably.

She gave him an amused look. “Well, I was hoping to get a feel for where you’re at schoolwise, so we know what grade to put you into once school rolls around.”

“And you were worried that what happened might’ve set me back a bit,” Jim guessed. Aurie nodded. “Well, whatever you need to do. I’ve got a couple months before the semester starts, so I think I’ll be fine for catch-up.”

The conversation moved away and on to easier topics, until finally, Aurie got to her feet and smiled quirkily at him. “Well, the hour’s up. Let’s go see if the apartment’s still intact.”

It was still there and untouched, so Jim figured the fight must not have been too bad. Inside, however, the was a small amount of evidence in the form of a few thrown books that Sam and Winona were currently picking up. Aurie sighed and moved to help them, and Jim wasn’t far behind. 

“Everything cleared up?” she queried. 

Winona got to her feet, book in hand, and eyes red-rimmed. Her face looked like it had aged in the last hour, tired and sad. She set the book aside. “Yes…” She looked to Jim. “If this is what you want baby, then I’ll do it.”

Jim swallowed the sudden irrational guilt. “Yeah mom. It’s not that I don’t love you, but…”  _ But you’ve never been here for me,  _ he didn’t say, but she must have read it on his face, because her face lined with extra guilt. 

She left not long after, promising to meet up with them to sign the appropriate papers before she left Terra. 

After that, time seemed to go by in an instant. Soon, Winona was saying her goodbyes, promising to contact more often (and this time, Jim could even believe her), and Sam and Aurie were official in charge of him. It was... _ difficult _ , adjusting. Jim was still really, extremely messed up over what happened to him, and Sam had trouble balancing working, going to school, and meeting Jim’s needs. Eventually though, things settled into a new normal. 

When school rolled around again in September, Jim was back to a healthy weight and a somewhat healthy state of mind. It had turned out that despite the time he’d spent unable to go to class, he was actually so far ahead of his age group that he had to be skipped ahead to eleventh grade. Jim was more than fine with that. 

\--

The fourth of January found Jim walking home, thinking of all that had happened. He had still kept in contact with others, though he still missed them with an aching presence. On their last video call, Emmett had said something or other about meeting up, but it hadn’t happened yet. 

When he got to the apartment he paused outside the door. There was a small note taped to the knob. He plucked it up to read it. 

_ I’ve been informed that you’re not too fond of surprises nowadays. This is going to be a good one, promise. Even still, brace yourself _ .  _ Love from the best big sister ever, Aurie.  _

His brow furrowed in confusion, but he pocketed the note and opened the door with held breath. 

His heart gave a momentary jolt. There were thirteen people standing the front hall. After a moment, he recognized them. He huffed in amusement and stepped inside. 

“Happy birthday,” Drea said cheerfully, running up to him. She had grown in the last few months since he had seen her, and he was glad for it. 

“Thank you,” he said with a grin, heaving her up into a hug.

The others were not far behind to meet him with similar greetings. Kevin was scooped up in a hug just as Drea had been. The beaming smile the boy gave was so dissimilar from the quiet little boy who Jim had met that Jim wanted to cry.

Jim was pulled into a full-bodied hug by Emmett. Jim returned it with the same amount of gusto. 

“I assume you’re the one who set all this up?” Jim asked him. Emmett grinned. 

“Guilty as charged.”

“Hey, give other people a turn with him, Emmett,” Heather said, coming up to them with a bright smile on her face and in her eyes. 

Jim released the older boy to give her a tight hug. “Happy birthday,” she whispered to him. 

He exchanged greeting with Bek and the mother that had brought him, though they were much less touchy than the first few had been--he knew that Denobulans did not typically care for touch that was not from a family member. 

T’mesu and T’susa were somewhat away from the small crowd of people. He grinned at them. “Did you come here all the way from Vulcan?”

T’susa nodded. “That is obvious, as that is where we have been living for the past seven point two months.”

Jim laughed. “Well, then thank you for that.” He looked up at T’mesu, who was observing them with a warm look in her eyes. 

“I believe I am supposed to wish you a ‘happy birthday’,” she said. 

“And I believe I am supposed to say thank you,” he replied, with a bright grin that belied the teasing formality in his voice. His face softened. “Really, though, thank you, for everything you’ve done.”

“I could do no less,” she said. Then she inclined her head. “I believe I shall go speak with your brother now.”

As the two Vulcans left, Jim went to find Tom. The boy was sitting at the table, a black patch covering the entire right side of his face. The smile he gave Jim was a tired one, like he was still unwell. Jim gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and sat down beside him. 

“How have you been?” he asked. Tom shrugged. 

“I’m not bad,” he said. “I’m...There’s a family that’s going to foster me.”

“That’s good new, right?” Jim asked, hoping it was. Tom nodded, and his smile widened. 

“I think it will be.”

“Then I’m real glad for you Tommy.”

A moment later, Emmett came bounding up behind them. “Are you two just going to sit here? There’s presents to open!” And he pulled them both back into the small crowd. 

* * *

**Epilogue**

The metal felt heavy on his chest, but Jim Kirk thought it was weight he would be proud to get used to. 

He had left the circular hall as soon as it was polite to do so. He had a lot he needed to do before he would be ready to officially board the  _ Enterprise _ as its Captain. It would be better to start sooner rather than later. However…

“ _ Jim _ ,” someone called. He turned and found himself grinning so hard his face hurt. 

Sam strode toward his younger brother, his own smile taking up his face. He caught up to Jim. “Or, it’s Captain Kirk now, isn’t it?” Sam teased, his smile like that of a proud father’s.

Jim laughed and ducked his head. “You were in the audience then.”

“Well, I was in the area--by complete and utter unrelated coincidence, of course--and I just had an urge to come by.” The joke was softened by the pleased look on the older man’s face. He pulled Jim in for a hug. “Dad’d be proud, just like I am.”

Jim hugged him back tight. After a moment, he pulled back. “Have you had a chance to talk with the others?”

Sam shook his head. “It was too crowded to find them.”

The new Captain sighed. “The kids are determined to get stationed under me when they graduate.”

“Well, it’ll make it easier for you to keep an eye on them,” Sam said, half teasing. 

Jim huffed out a laugh, before his face fell a little. “If they had been the least bit older, they might’ve ended up on one of the ships as well.”

“Jim, they’re fine. They’re all fine.”

The younger man’s shoulders slumped and he sighed, running a hand over his face. “One day, my luck is going to run out, and I’m not even going to be surprised.” But he was smiling again, letting Sam lead him back towards where to crowd were. There was more family waiting that he wanted to speak to, after all.   
  
There was still a million things Jim had to do; people he had to meet with and grief he had to work through. His personal world was still entirely off-balanced from the events that had taken place just a short while ago. But for now, Jim allowed himself to be proud and happy. Things would find a way to work out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a real journey, and I'm glad to have shared it with you all. Whether you were one of the ones with me from the very beginning, if you joined me in the middle, or if you're reading this far off in the distant future, I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> Special thanks go to my parents, for beta-reading and cheering me on when I was still in the midst of writing this. 
> 
> Special thanks also go to redford who never failed to review every chapter as it came, and who made posting this story a joy. Every kudos you gave me (even if the site only counts the first one) always made me smile. Your genuine care for the characters (whether from canon or original) was such a reward for me as a writer. 
> 
> And thank -you-, who has read all of my sappy words. You're all wonderful.


End file.
